shushie

Sir, what you need is a time machine

2012-01-18T17:53:00.000-08:00

A man in his late 40's to early 50's and smelling like he had rolled around in Bengay cream all morning sat down at the reference desk and asked for some assistance and of course, I was the lucky one to help him.

The man, who from here on shall be referred to as "Mr. Novelist," is in the process of writing a novel, that takes place during the depression based in "Hicktown," located in state but oh about four or five hours drive south. His problem -- he needs to do some research for his novel and by that he means he needs me to do some research for his novel for him.

Mr. Novelist confides in me that he has already used Google and Wikipedia to learn about Hicktown, but would like more information like what type of gum people in Hicktown would've chewed back then, or local slang, or the gun that would be issued to a Great Depression era cop in Hicktown (yes, it was a detective story!). I do a couple searches and reveal that we don't have any books focusing only on Hicktown, but in some of the state history books there are small sections dedicated to Hicktown. He waves this away, it is not what he wants. Next I bring back some books on fashion history and open it to the portions on 1930's fashion, but he is disappointed that it is only about ten pages of pictures and that the entire book is not on 1930's style clothing.

He points to an illustration of a 1930's era woman with a hat, "How do I know that women in Hicktown wore that type of hat?"

I respond that I, obviously, did not know but assumed that fashion trends of the 1930's were probably nationwide with some variation and the possibility that a small town like Hicktown might have possibly been a little behind but probably not by much.

Mr. Novelist lets out a sigh, "Doesn't the library have an old film strip or DVD I could watch about the 1930's in Hicktown? I'm a more visual person, I don't have time to read a lot, but I think if I could watch something then I could absorb it that way. It could be fiction or like a documentary, I don't care."

I internalize a mental sigh then try to explain that the way our cataloging system works, I could not simply search for movies that take place at that time and in that town unless they were cataloged that way and I'd already done several searches on Hicktown in our system with no results.

He shakes his head, "Do you know that movie, A Christmas Story? The one that takes place in the past and is all about that family and the boy who dresses like a giant bunny -- I want something like that, but for it to take place in Hicktown in the 1930's."

"You know," I say, "A Christmas Story is set during the Great Depression and could be a visual resource--"

Here Mr. Novelist interrupts me with the most expected response, "But it doesn't take place in Hicktown!" How stupid of me to suggest such a thing! Mr. Novelist is clearly suffering from the mental disorder of thinking that if you want it, it exists!

I decide to spend a few more minutes helping him before sending him on his way, but it is time wasted as my ideas like using writing website forums for assistance or trying Hicktown's own library(!) for information are dismissed.

"I'm really disappointed," Mr. Novelist says as he gets up to leave, "I expected the library to have what I was looking for, a simple movie -- that's all!"

I really like you, my new Wine-brarian

2012-01-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

This little beauty of a dream job popped up on ALA's joblist:

Wine Librarian

Ok, so it doesn't say that it involves barrel tastings or any sort of drinking on the job, but it's in California, it pays a hell of a lot more than I currently make, and it comes with the awesome official title of Wine Librarian -- not just something the staff calls you because you're Tipsy McStagger! The position closes this Friday the 13th, just sayin'...

New Year...where have you been?

2012-01-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I haven't posted anything since Halloween, but that doesn't mean I've gone the way of our microfiche reader or electronic typewriter to the big storage unit in the sky! If 2010 ended up with being a crappy year, then 2011 was the turd storm that followed. Lots of lovely things happened that involved the fun of moving to an apartment that had constant heat/AC problems, unknowingly letting a complete sociopath into my life, and an emergency room visit. I also experienced for the first time in my life the excitement of projectile vomit! All things said, it was not my finest hour...

But now we have the clean slate of 2012 to look forward to or to go for broke and screw up even more. Either way, I'm hoping to start posting again regularly (I would prefer a couple times a week, if not then weekly) and I realize I did this little mea culpa last year in January, but my eyes were clouded with the bright rays of optimism that things were perking up. This year I have no such problem, I've got my goggles strapped on and I know what I'm getting into. Or at least I *think* I know.

To start this year off with a bang this morning (what? You mean you don't have to work on this federal holiday? Lucky you!) we were greeted by a couple boxes of donations that considerately included already colored in coloring books and solved mazes.

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Librarians

2011-10-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

When I first started working in a library several years ago, I thought that Halloween would be a fun holiday at work with the idea that librarians would probably get dressed up in imaginative costumes. I'm not sure where this idea came from, but it was definitely wrong. My first library employee Halloween was awkward in that several staff members agreed to dress up with me and then, of course, I was the only one who showed up in costume. That year I dressed up as a 80's Cyndi Lauper style punk which my stick in the mud coworkers mistook for an eccentric prostitute and patrons most likely thought I was a bad teen completing community service hours. Needless to say, I now usually opt out of coming into work in costume, though over the years I will confess that I've mislead some newbie employees to believe that I would be dressing up with them.

But there are a few librarians who do get into the holiday spirit and decide to put aside their nebbish and lackluster attire for one day, and these people have inspired me to list The Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Librarians:

10. Naughty Librarian -- I'll get this one out of the way first. While I have been known to dress as a wayward librarian myself, I feel able to criticize this costume because I tend to dress in a 50's/pin-up fashion normally. Also, I find the "naughty librarian" store made costumes offensive:
That is an ugly ass skirt if I ever saw one and though we may not always be a fashionable bunch, I would like to think that none of us would wear a mini-skirt with bookends printed on it. The other costume is irritating because it is labeled "sexy librarian/secretary" -- we are not the same profession!

9. Non-Harry Potter Wizard –- This person will don some type of hat and often carry a magic wand, either store quality or something created at home out of aluminum foil. Sometimes they will wear a witch’s hat for the same purpose. Once a former coworker wore a blue bathrobe with construction paper planets taped to it.

8. Harry Potter Wizard/Character -- A true fan of the Harry Potter genre and will either create an outfit for a character from the book or dress up as a Hogwarts student wearing the house colors of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin, usually accompanied by a long colored scarf. These people will normally go as Gryffindor or Slytherin because they are the most well known and because no one really cares about the other houses. Should you encounter a coworker in Hufflepuff attire you should administer a series of shame induced Indian burns.

7. Renaissance Person -– This includes wenches, royalty, pirates, occasionally Vikings, and sometimes other weird things (see photo), but outside of a renfest, the work costume is usually tame and an excuse for a staff member to get away with wearing a corset tightened to show the most decolletage, or a tiara, or carrying a sword.

6. Star Wars Character -- These costumes are either finely detailed replicas from the films or someone with brown earmuffs for hair and a light saber. Star Wars character is a popular choice for gen x male staffers.

5. Comic Book and/or Video Game Character -- Staff members who adorn themselves in this type of costume will win the nonexistent prize for the most responses of "Who are you again?" Like the Star Wars costume, comic book and video game character costumes involve attention to obscure details that only the wearer or role playing folks will recognize. Or because no one will know who they are the costumed person can phone it in and claim to be anyone granting them the ability to mock coworkers who clearly do not understand their brilliance.

4. Costume Requiring the Least Effort -- These staff members are not only phoning it in, but are not even interested in disguising this fact. "Costumes" of this variety consist of things such as cat/some other animal ears, hockey masks, or an outfit from the back of their closet that they have not worn in 20 years and thus, qualifies as a "costume." Included in this group are also t-shirts that have scary movie characters or skulls or anything that involves LED lights or moving parts. This is frequently the costume of choice for unimaginative library directors/branch managers.

3. Vampire -- This category has waxed and waned over the years both due to the popularity of the Twilight series. Since most library employees are not as attractive as young Hollywood vampires, this costume is more likely to resemble Bela Lugosi's Dracula. Cloaks and fake teeth are often worn, but the glaring paleness of most staff member's skin makes white face make-up unnecessary.

2. Zombie -- Taking the spot of Vampires, Zombies have now become the hot costume, especially since it involves the joy of shredding clothing you don't like and rubbing fake blood in it. The level of commitment is up to the wearer with some going all out with props, limping, and groaning, and others just in torn up clothes. Zombie Librarian was my costume choice last year.

1. Crazy Cat Lady -- Not to be confused with someone wearing cat ears, this costume is often worn by coworkers with lots of stuffed cats glued to an old sweater, or by coworkers who have never married and still wear pantyhose with sandals. Ok, yes, I realize that I am perpetuating another librarian stereotype, but people it wouldn't exist if it wasn't at least sometimes accurate. The genius of this costume is that for many it requires no effort at all!

Happy Halloween!

There's a New Sheriff in Town

2011-09-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

So, I have a new manager at work.

When we found out that we were getting a new manager, it was much like last year when we found out we were getting a new manager: cleaner desks and workstations, more professional attire and less sweaters that looked like they came from the lost n' found bin, (sometimes forced) enthusiasm for job and teamwork (sometimes with high fives), and overall non-work related internet use drops with productivity going up 30%! We were a little like those small, nervous, and easily excited monkeys at the zoo, but at least we were positive.

But it was also a lot different from last year when we found out we were getting a new manager: we liked our (now old) current manager, lots of hissy whispering, and their future office was raided and cannibalized of everything from matching desk chairs to a non-sticky keyboard to ancient starlight mints found in the drawers. It looked a tad bit ugly...and then he arrived.

He seemed friendly enough. He seemed capable, had a long history of library work and management to confidently rely on. He brought cookies to our first reference staff meeting. And then slowly things changed, or rather these things had probably been present all along and I just hadn't been paying attention. Disguised as a normal person he was in fact a horrible boss.

List of offensives:
1. Shirks responsibility. When the phone rings he never reaches for it, he always takes the desk seat farther away from the public, he defers to someone else constantly because he is "too new," to find a book on the shelf, help someone with the copier, print out directions from Google maps, etc.
2. Eaves drops/reads over your shoulder. This is actually my biggest problem with him but since I am guilty of doing non-work related stuff part of the time (hello) I moved it down a notch. If I'm helping a patron over the phone, when I hang up, he's all "What did they want?" You want to know what they wanted? Well answer the damn phone next time. Because he wears sneakers he can sidle up to you quickly or suddenly appear over your shoulder. He must have great eyesight too because before I have time to minimize my want list on Amazon he scares the bejeezus out of me with, "Hey, I bought that same coffee maker!" He hovers and I don't like it.
3. Too personal/no boundaries. If you're in his line of sight and he feels like chatting up a storm he will engage in awkward conversations about his wife, his cat, where he buys his pants, what he was doing in 1969. Similarly, he wants us to reciprocate by oversharing with him. When I asked to use sick leave for my annual check up, he responded, "Could you be more specific?" Uh, no.
4. He can't take directions. I don't know if it's just me, but frequently I will tell him something and it will go in one ear and out the other. For example, yesterday our IT guy came by to work on a computer and told us not to use it while he was updating some software. My new manager comes out of his office and sits down at that computer station. I repeat IT guy's request, but instead he starts typing away, then announces to no one in particular, "Hmm, I can't login." I repeat IT guy's message a second time, but then he gets up and goes into his office. A few minutes later he comes back and says, "I called (IT guy) and he said not to use that computer right now, so nobody use it!"
5. He doesn't know how to do his job...and on top of that he's not even trying. As someone who gets paid I'm sure considerably more than I do, it is frustrating to see he can't do what I consider simple job required tasks. Combine that with his "What is it you do again?" attitude and I feel like replying, "Part of what I do involves fixing or redoing things you do." But alas, I kinda need to retain employment so that I may continue my meager existence.

I bet you didn't think I could cook, huh? Well, you're right...

2011-08-28T20:35:00.001-07:00

Friday night, while other shoppers were raking toilet paper, gallons of milk, water, and oddly enough microwave popcorn into their shopping carts, I was wandering around with a very specific grocery list. Instead of Hurricane Irene freakout supplies I was loading up on strange cheeses I had never heard of and the makings of cornmeal pizza dough. Since most of my meals come from a box or can (or bottle, *gratuitous wink*), recently I've renewed my interest in cooking and I thought while I was home bound during the storm, I would recreate a recipe I found in a discarded cookbook earlier at work.

Now I can bake, or at least I used to do ok with baking. My track record over the last year has been spotty: made incredible batch of mini cupcakes for me and my family, try to make same cupcakes again for work event and accidentally put in 1/2 cup of baking soda instead of 1/2 teaspoon; great peanut butter cookies at home on a cold winter night, try to make same cookies to bring for Christmas and I accidentally put in 3 eggs and 1 cup of milk instead of 1 egg and 3 cups of milk. For every good thing I made, some cosmic intervention would make sure I followed it with something inedible. Self-diagnosed with recipe dyslexia, understandably, this put me off of cooking for awhile.

Because Irene made me cancel my original Saturday plans (thanks a lot, weather people, our area maybe needed a good umbrella, not sandbags) last night I decided to go forward with my plan to make the mini Fontina Cheese Pizzas, of course I had to ask the person at the deli counter what fontina cheese was and where I could find it. Here are the results, obviously the left is a fancy show off photograph from the cookbook.
Their mini pizzas look tasty and appetizing. My pizzas look like something you would ask the waiter to send back to the kitchen.

The problem? Not 100% certain, but most likely the fact that the recipe called for 3 egg yokes and I put in 3 whole eggs had something to do with it. Rather than tasting like a pizza, they tasted like cheesy scrambled eggs on top of dough, kinda like a quiche but without the pastry crust. The dough didn't come out right either, my oven runs a bit hot so the bottoms were burned while the top outer crust was barely bronzed and it tasted like a saltine to me for some reason. So my hurricane shut-in dinner was crackers with scrabbled eggs on top!

After last night's kitchen disaster, I was pleasantly surprised by my success at a different recipe this morning. Not in the same ballpark as baking, but it was so quick and easy and delicious -- my favorite combination. Link-hoping, I randomly came across a recipe on A Tale of Two Kitchens for Peach Almond Smoothie and since I coincidentally already had all of those ingredients at home, I gave it a try. Maybe since I'm trying to kick my coffee habit, I can start the day off with a smoothie instead. Of course, I'm not going to stop my 3pm candy fix.

Libraries, we do more than shelter the homeless...

2011-08-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

If yesterday's dumb question was, "Is the library still open because of the earthquake?" today's would be anything related to required reading for school.

Bitchy Mom: How can the library not have any copies of Lord of the Flies? You're the library, that's what my tax money is for.

Irrationally Annoyed Teen: What am I supposed to do now? I was supposed to read The Miracle Worker by next week...do you have the movie? Why not?!

Slouchy Teen Boy: Could you write a note to my teacher that you didn't have any books but I'm on the waitlist for Their Eyes Were Watching God?

Verbal communication between two or more humans/monkeys

2011-08-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

The phone rings, I picke up to what appears to be a conversation already in progress.

Me: Hello?
Completely Stoned Woman: Uh, hi.
Me: How can I help you?
CSW:...I want to order a book on CD.
Me: Ok, what is the title? (she gives me the title and I locate it in the catalog) It's at a different branch, but I can have it sent here. Could I get your library card number?
CSW:...?
Me: Um, hello? Ma'am?
CSW: Huh?
Me: Could I please get your library card number?
CSW: Oh, that...I don't know where that is right now.
Me: Well, I'm kinda going to need it to put it on hold for you.
CSW: Oh no, I don't know...(there is a sound of rustling, things being scattered and knocked over)...it's here somewhere, I'll find it later...before I come to the library. Can't you just look me up by my name?
*It is our library's policy not to look up borrowers account information without a card number, however there are exceptions and since I already had another person on hold I wanted to be done with this transaction. I let her give me her name and then quizzed her on her address and birthday.*
Me: Alright, I put a request in and you should get a call in a day or so when it comes in.
CSW: How?
Me:...By phone? The library will call you when it's ready to pick up.
CSW: How do you know my phone number?
Me: We have it in the computer, it's part of your account information.
CSW:Oh...it's probably my old number, I have a new cell phone now...here let me give you another number...(I start typing in the phone number she's rattling off when I realize it's way too long to be a phone number).
Me: Um, ma'am? That phone number, is it local or long distance?
CSW:...That's not my phone number!
Me: What is it then?
CSW: It's the library card number, you said you wanted it.
Me: (She had a point, but a little too late) That number doesn't sound like one of our library card numbers. All of them start off with the same six digits. What library is that a card for?
CSW:...It's a library card.
Me: What does it look like?
CSW:...it's blue (She reads off the library card and it is for a different county).
Me: Ok, that's not part of this library system for 'X County.' If you can't find your library card by the time we call you, just bring in your ID and we can get you a new one.
CSW:...A new what?
Me: A new library card? To replace the one you can't find.
CSW:...And the library is going to call me?
Me: Yes.
CSW: But why?
Me:???To inform you that the audiobook you put on hold has come in...?!
CSW: Oh, ok then. Goodbye!

And she hangs up

It makes me feel a little better when I'm at McDonald's and I realize that I'm not the only person that has to deal with the bizarre public. On the mornings I swing by to grab coffee, there's always this crazy lady with messy hair talking to herself. She never orders anything, but sits at a booth with a Stouffer's frozen turkey and mashed potatoes dinner -- it's always the same thing, and obviously not frozen anymore. She used to come by the library, but hasn't been in for a long while. When she shouts something nonsensical in my direction as I'm scooping up creamers and Splenda, I feel relieved that I'm returning to the general sanity of the library.

WeirdedIn

2011-08-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Life and its obligations have kept me away (not to mention my laptop is rejecting Firefox lately and explorer does not want to play nice with gmail and blogger), but I've managed to scribble down things here and there on post-its or scrap paper that I can cobble into a post later.

Today I had no such need to dig through my notes as the library gods hand-delivered some weirdness into my inbox this morning:

A couple days ago I came to work to find an address book on our main desk. At night, after we close and the janitorial staff cleans up, they will place any items they find on the desk so that in the morning we can figure out what to do with it (usually it goes in the lost and found bin or the trash). This address book was slightly beat up, the outer snap closure was missing and it was being held together by a large rubber band. There was nothing inside that had the owner’s contact information, however there were two bills folded in the front that were addressed to the same person. Assuming this to be the owner of the address book, I looked them up in our system to see if they had a card. They had a card, but no phone number listed, just home address and email. So I sent an email:

To: Patron X@someserviceprovider.com
From: librarian@suburbanlibrary.gov

Hello Patron X,
An address book that may belong to you was found at the library. If it is yours, please go to the front desk, describe it for them and they will retrieve it for you from lost and found.

Thanks,
Your Librarian.

A few hours later I got an email back:

Dear Librarian:
Thank you so much for finding my address book!!! I have been looking for it everywhere and thought it was gone! I will come by later and pick it up.

Thanks,
Patron X

I considered this to be the end of the transaction. I emptied my inbox of our correspondence, assumed they picked up their address book, and promptly forgot about the whole thing. Until today.

I was befuddled. Who?

The email address seemed strangely familiar. Could it be one of the volunteers I manage? I cut and pasted the email address into the search box function and clicked on the little spyglass.

Two emails were found, both in my trash folder – the exchange between me and the address book patron.

The hell?
Not only did I not know Patron X personally, I had never even met them, and had not been around whenever they came to get the address book. I would have no way of picking Patron X out of a police lineup.

Like the former junior high school bully sending me a friend request on Facebook, this involved the same level of confusion, but with a side order of creepy.

It’s simple: Just don’t be a dumbass

2011-07-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

Recently at work all employees were required to participate in a series of online “courses” (Basically PowerPoint) to learn about things like safety, sexual harassment, how to clean up toxic waste, etc. Even though we had all completed a different program on sexual harassment maybe six months before, this was mandatory. All employees were registered by human resources last June with a deadline of nearly a year to accomplish this task, which at the time sounded like no big deal. Sure, it was long (I think someone said if you sat down to take it uninterrupted then you could probably finish it in about 4 or 5 hours) and dull (the voiceover work was provided by what sounded like an updated Speak n’Spell), but I also had a lot of time to get it done.

Fast forward to May and I was on a short list from my branch manager reminding me that the deadline to complete theses courses were coming up and I, of course, had yet to even login to the site. Luckily, my direct supervisor was also on this list and was very understanding about giving me lots of off the desk time to finish this thing. However, I would get back to my desk, fire up the program, put in my earbuds so I could listen to the robot narrate and after about oh, let’s say fifteen minutes of this I was on the verge of sleeping or crying hysterically from boredom. The worst part was that with this thing you couldn’t skip to the end to answer the questions, you had to listen to each and every slide in the presentation, do the stupid practice questions before getting to the final test, where if you didn’t at least get 80% you failed and had to go back to the beginning of that section to do it all over again. Scoring tantamount to a “C” grade may not seem hard to achieve, but I’d like to see how well you would do on a test that only has five questions about various hardhats and the specific use of each one – totally relatable to library work. I ended up taking the test on bloodborne pathogens a mindly-numbingly almost twenty times – and did I mention that it mixes up the questions each time? So I could get everything right but the one I needed to score at least 80%, go back and then be presented with some old questions mixed with new and then I would be able to get even more wrong. It was painful.

But it was also very silly. As I and a couple of my coworkers were working on the courses in our cubicles, one would hear little giggles here and there and an occasional flat out laugh. This was for two reasons: 1)The scenarios presented were ridiculously idiotic and probably never take place in real life, and 2)The photos used in the presentation were clearly purchased or leased from a stock photo company who probably sold the group as “workplace photographs” as they rarely had anything to do with the narration or captions that would float by on the screen and when they did match it was over the top.

The best examples of this obviously came from the sexual harassment portion, where instead of providing a realistic, true to life scenarios we get this:

Tom and Judy share a workspace. In her free time Judy enjoys participating in female bodybuilding competitions and has won several titles. She is proud of her awards and has placed a photograph of herself posing in a bikini on the desk. Seeing the photograph makes Tom uncomfortable and he does not like being forced to see the photograph at the desk. Judy may not realize it, but she is sexually harassing Tom.

And NONE of the photographs presented during this voiceover match at all. The viewer of this presentation is oddly treated to photos of two women working at computers followed by a young man with rumpled hair and his shirt collar undone looking stressed followed by a photo of an older woman looking creepily staring straight at the camera to suggest she is watching me. There is also a disturbing quid pro quo situation where the voiceover describes a boss pressuring a female employee that he supervises to exchange sex for a raise. The photograph displayed during this shows an office setting with two employees, a black man and a white female, chatting in what appears to be a friendly, non-offensive way, over their shared cubicle wall. As if that wasn’t bad enough, photos were frequently recycled during presentations so that later in a section on interoffice dating we get the SAME photograph! Yes, I am being nit-picky, but all I could think of was that the boss and the woman suddenly seemed right – pressuring a coworker for sex is the best path to starting a relationship!

In my boredom, while listening to the voiceover, I took screen caps of some of the more “interesting” slides, minimized the program so that it would still play in the background while I brought up Paint to paste in these pictures, mashing them together in a collage of on the job no-nos. I took so many screen caps that I ended up forgetting where I saved some of them and accidently left out some of the really strange ones including one of two old men fighting in a boardroom and another of an Asian man tied to his ergonomic Herman Miller Aeron desk chair. But the important thing is that I am now aware of alarming fact that “hundreds of people in the U.S. are killed while doing their jobs” so I won’t try to do anything about those dangling exposed electrical wires in the staff workroom.

Summer reading, my most favorite reading time of the year...

2011-06-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy Awful Library Books
Yesterday was the official kickoff for our summer reading program and we were busier than a Columbian drug den. Here is a sampling of the questions I very helpfully redirected:

Elderly Couple: Can you tell us how to use our Nook?

Forgetful Teen Boy: I was reading this book and I didn't finish it, can you help me find it? It wasn't at this library, it was my school's library but I had to return it. I don't remember the title or the author, but it was about a boy with a dad and the cover was light green.

Older Mom Wearing Teen Daughter's Clothes: Where are your books on murder?

Middle-Aged Snooty Guy With a Purple Tie: Where might I find books on Pablo Picasso...the artist.

Teen Girl With Gum: Tell me what books my school wants me to read over the summer and then give them to me or put them on hold.

Lazy Mom: It says for the adult summer reading program I have to read 5 books and write reviews -- do they have to be adult books? Can't I just review the picture books I read to my toddler?

Man on Phone: I'm looking at the catalog on my computer and there's a DVD I want. What does it mean when the status says "unavailable"?

Woman on Phone: If the program is already full can I still register my child for it?

Frantic Woman: Has anyone turned in an iPhone?

Angry Lady With Braids: Can you tell that man to stop sneezing?

Old Lady With Hearing Problem: My friend says all of her books and CDs come to her house and she never has to come to the library. How can I sign up for that?

Buff Dad With Woman's Voice: Why are the magic books for adults not checked in?

Creepy Guy Who Has Been Warned For Looking at Porn: I want more time on internet station #4.

Little Girl With No Adult Supervision: Show me the books!

We had over 2,000 people come through the library in eleven hours. Today has only been slightly quieter.

High school is over, but Sweet Valley is forever...

2011-06-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

This book review most likely belongs in my Very Bad Book Blog, but it was so over the top that I decided to share it here, where more might appreciate this sort of trash.

Spoiler Alert! LIKE this book was SO lame!
I read this but merely for nostalgic/guilty pleasure reasons, which is what I assume is the same reason anyone else would read it and ideally the audience Francine should’ve been writing for. I already admitted that I was not a big SVH fan, but I left out that in college my roommate and I would play the SVH board game with a level of determination and strategizing rarely seen outside of playing Risk (we were often completely tanked, which helped a lot). And I do have a small collection of SVH books that I’ve gathered from thrift shops and donations here at the library. They are full of the silliest teen “drama” and I could usually read one in about an hour or so.

It wasn’t like everyday I was walking around thinking, “I wonder what those perfect, amazing, blue eyed, silky, golden haired girls, aka the Wakefield twins, are up to? Did they get married? Who are their friends and enemies now? And is it possible that one of Margo’s relatives returned with a similar taste for Wakefield blood?” Alright, sometimes maybe I was, but I wasn’t the only one and fans took to the interweb to discuss. Francine must have heard about this and turned to a new legion of ghostwriters to help her craft a rather dull book with a storyline so predictable that even a temporarily blinded Ken Matthews could see coming. A half-baked mix of flashbacks, "unforgivable betrayals," two scoops of romantic confessions, a handful of bitchiness, and completely saturated with inconsistencies, then slathered across 291 pages and served in a hardback shell for $21.99.

With the frequent inaccuracies and continuity problems it is obvious that former ghostwriters didn’t want to be in a ten-mile radius of this lard coated, flaming piece of caca. Francine gives credit to the assistants who helped her remember details of the very same series she created and yet, aside from the giant plot holes, all of the characters appear to suffer from personality disorders and amnesia (including a speech impediment for Jessica). This suggests that not only had these assistants not cracked the spine of a SVH in years, but that no one associated with this book had bothered to read the series.

That Sweet Valley Confidential is bad is an understatement and yet simultaneously it is not bad enough. Fans of the series loved it for the cheese (I did at least), not because it was an accurate portrayal of teen life in any decade. Over the years Sweet Valley went from being a teen drama, to a teen soap opera, and then something else that was possibly written as a dare or after an LSD hallucination. Originally I thought Sweet Valley Confidential could be updated, written as lighthearted chick-lit with a far-fetched murder mystery, not the as a faux shocking, recycled tripe that was published, and without the cheese it’s not even a fun guilty read.

The update is perhaps a little too updated with all the social media namedropping and pop culture references that will mean nothing a year from now. The Wakefield twins have grown up and aren’t clean teens anymore complete with f-bombs and disturbing discussion of Elizabeth’s weepy orgasms and taut nipples. *shudder* The girls wax poetic about how much the town they live in has changed since the 80’s (which is noted as being before the twins were old enough to care), with all its chain stores and a Starbucks on every corner changing the landscape. Nothing is said of Sweet Valley being more dangerous than Detroit, populated by more devious characters than a Mexican telenovela, and with a higher WTF?! per capita rate than any other made up town in young adult literature.

The completely obvious plot-line has the girls on the outs with each other again, but this time it’s personal! The twins have never been faced with a betrayal so outrageous in all of Francine’s sieve-like memory. Unless you count that time Jessica spiked Elizabeth’s drink (over the very important title of Jungle Prom Queen), leading to a car accident, the death of Jessica’s boyfriend, and Liz getting charged with manslaughter. Or those times Liz cheated on Todd. Or every single book when Jessica’s jealousy has her pulling some sort of underhanded scheme against her perfect sister.

However, the absolute worst part of the book and biggest insult to fans (other than Jessica’s sudden outbreak of valley girl brogue) is the relationship between Elizabeth and Bruce Patman. They are BFFs because Elizabeth has completely forgotten about that time he tried to date rape her. Elizabeth casually alludes to this incident as the time when Bruce kissed her “when she was passed out” and leaves out the overly friendly part about his twisting her arms to try to make her give in. While there is absolutely no chemistry between Elizabeth and Bruce during the entire book (except perhaps in his mind), when he finally confesses his feelings she decides she loves him too (heck, why not?!) because he’s such a super guy she doesn’t want him to be with anyone else. Yes, these are some pretty screwed up bitches, but then again, wouldn’t you be if you had gone through all of this:

The Evil Twin – Twins doppelganger and all around crazy girl, Margo, plans to kill Elizabeth and take over her life. Though Alice Wakefield mistakes Margo for one of her own daughters, the jig is up when Liz catches Margo dressed as her and also wielding a large knife. Jessica loses yet another boyfriend to sweet mistress death.

Beware the Wolfman -- Liz falls for a dark, handsome English stranger named Luke, who is naturally a psychotic werewolf. Jessica’s boyfriend dresses as a homeless man to watch over her.

A Kiss Before Dying -- The feud between Palisades and SVH reaches a deadly conclusion when Jessica’s boyfriend Christian is killed, but as a bonus she wins the surfing contest.

To Catch a Thief –- As Au Pairs in France, Liz falls for a prince, Jessica falls for a jewel thief and the girls end up getting locked in the dungeon.

Tall, Dark, and Deadly – Liz hates goth newbie Jonathan, but Jessica and Enid fall madly in love with him. A cat is the only witness to a murder committed by a vampire who is obviously…wait for it…Jonathan.

"R" for Revenge -- Elizabeth must eventually save Jessica and the cheerleading squad when they are kidnapped and held hostage by their new adviser.

The book ends with an American Graffiti-esque epilogue where readers get updated on a random assembly of characters. The important thing to know is that everyone is either dead or miserable. That and there’s going to be another spin-off, but maybe Francine will get it right this time.

On a scale of squeaky clean teen fun, Sweet Valley Confidential is neither squeaky clean, nor teen, nor fun really. It reads like a horrible made for TV movie, but a made for TV movie on a cable station so it has swearing and sexy parts. At the birthday party for grandma, Alice Wakefield shouts, “Bring out the f---ing cake!”
Not recommended for: nostalgic adults who don't want to think about Liz's nips.

Ima bout to go ape poopy up in here

2011-05-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

With each season we change the desktop pictures on our reference desk stations. This picture is the background for one of the ref desk computers nows:

Today I had to explain to a coworker (one who often likes to change the desktop photo to something weird (not weird cool either, weird like wha???)) that this photo of an adorable baby duck was the only thing keeping me from murdering everyone in the building. Then he walked away.

Yeah, that just happened

2011-04-16T15:38:00.001-07:00

Saturdays at the library are always a treasure. Here are some jewels from today:

An elderly woman called and wanted to put a specific book on hold. It was hard to hear her and she was definitely distracted. When I asked for her library card number she told me I had to hold on because she had to dig through her purse...which was difficult because she was driving. Yes, she was driving, talking on her cell phone, and going through her purse all at once. When she gave me her card number I saw that her birth date was from 1937. So she was 74, driving completely distracted, oh and did I mention it was pouring rain all day today and we had at least two tornado watch alerts?

I put a copy of the Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1, on hold for a man, he asked me who the narrator was and asked, "It's not Mark Twain, is it?" Seriously? I laughed for a second until I realized he was serious and I had to turn it into a cough. Before walking away he said, "I don't know, sometimes the authors read their own books." Seriously.

Twenty minutes before closing a woman wanted me to help her find books for a research paper. Her topic was more suited for an academic library (why or why do college students not use their school libraries?!) but I actually found two books. She didn't have a library card so I gave her an application. When she handed it back I was a little disturbed by the bubbliness of her handwriting, almost as if a 14-year-old cheerleader had filled it out. She even dotted the two i's in her name with bubble hearts -- no lie! This might have been cute had she been a teenager or maybe even passable for someone in their 20's. She was 52.

Newsflash: Librarians have the power to change the internet because you want them to

2011-03-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Today has been a weird day for service requests. It all started this morning when an elderly lady pointed at me and said her computer wasn't "acting right." I followed her over to take a look - she was trying to fill out a job application online and a red text box had popped up saying she had attempted to login incorrectly too many times and was now locked out. In big read letters it said "Please see your administrator."

Me: Oh, looks like you will either have to email the company or go in person and have one of the employees there help you.
Old Lady Who Likes to Point: See? Make it work. *wild finger jabbing at the screen*
Me: Unfortunately, I do not have the power to go into this website and reset your password or change your login. You will have to contact X store.
OLWLP: *points at me* Isn't this you? Make it work.
Me: No, I am not the administrator for this website, I am unable to reset your login. You'll need to contact them.
OLWLP: It was working yesterday, make it work again. *more frantic pointing*
Me: *sigh*

Around lunchtime I was approached by a middle-aged woman, clutching a notebook to her chest. She announced that she was looking for a journal at the library and didn't know where to locate it. I asked her what journal it was.

Back to School Lady: It's the International Journal of Nautical Archaeology, from 2010, volume--
Me: *interrupting her* -I'm sorry ma'am, this is a public library and we only subscribe to a few journals and that definitely isn't one of them.
BSL: I'm willing to take microfiche if you don't have it in print.
Me: We don't have it period and this library does not have microfiche readers either.
BSL: Could you check?
Me: *does a check for her benefit* Nope, not even close.
BSL: *leaning in close to the desk and slightly in my personal space* Maybe I'm not making it clear. I can see the article abstract at home on the internet, but when I'm searching here at the library on my laptop the full article won't open. I still only get the abstract.
Me: *goes to journal's website* Yes, see they want you to buy a subscription to view this article and that's something we don't have.
BSL: B-b-but you're the library!
Me: Yes, but we're a public library with a limited budget and that is not one of the journals we subscribe to.
BSL: You should be able to get it to come up, this is the library! The library's internet should have it!

Here I restate the obvious, but offer her the possibility that we may be able to get the article for her through an interlibrary loan, but when I tell her she won't be getting it today she stomps off.

Then an elderly gentleman approaches the desk.
Old Man Who Knows How the Internet Works: I'm looking for a magazine, it was Newsweek...unless it was Time. Anyway, I was reading it last week while I was here and now it's gone and I need to get that article.
Me: Sure, do you recall what issue it was? Or who wrote the article? What the article was about?
OMWKHIW: *thinks and shakes his head* No, no. The only thing I remember was that it was last week. And it was about money.
Me: Last week's issue?
OMWKHIW: No, I was reading it last week...but it could've been two or three weeks ago...Anyway, there's a hand on the cover of the magazine. It's like pointing or giving thumbs up or something.

I spend the next ten minutes trying to search for his mystery magazine. Old Man Who Knows How the Internet Works seemed to have a problem staying seated, he kept jumping up and leaning over the counter trying to twist my screen so that he could view it. I kept saying, "Sir, the database I'm searching in has no pictures...sir, I can't see the results if you do that" to which he would reply, "Find the hand!" I even went to both magazines websites and amazingly enough Time did have a feature to search covers but none matched. I did a search for articles on money in Newsweek , which of course brought up a hundred things that were not it.

Me: I'm sorry sir, it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to locate that article right now. Maybe if you go home and think about it you'll recall which issue it was or who wrote it.
OMWKHIW: It was some foreigner. Or someone with a funny sounding name. *thoughtful chin stroking* Can you search Newsweek for articles about money?
Me: Sir, we just did that search and none of the articles matched the one you were looking for.
OMWKHIW: But I want this article today. *he twisted the monitor back around so he could see it, then taps the screen* You tell the computer to search for a picture of a hand and it will find it! I know how the internet works!

Oh, I had a picture of a hand for him alright, and it was flipping the bird. What more might the day have in store for me?!

Overheard at the library tonight...

2011-03-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

Little girl and mom are walking by the reference desk.

The little girl is clutching a book to her chest and trying to match her stride with her mother's. "Mom, do you like Magic Treehouse books?"

The mom pauses, as if seriously considering the question, "No, dear."

The little girl stops walking and puts her hand on her hip, "Well I do."

My library director says I need 50% less sass

2011-03-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

My copier rant from the other day in addition to some *ahem* public toilet problems at work were the inspiration for my latest post on Closed Stacks, titled "Suggested Courses for Addition to the Library School Curriculum" -- go check out it.

Update your bookmarks

2011-03-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

Closed Stacks has changed location and can now be found at http://www.closedstacks.com/
And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

What the?

2011-03-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

A boy of about 11 or 12 approaches the reference desk and informs me that the copier* is out of paper. This surprises me because our pages are usually good about refilling the paper every morning.

Me: It says it's out of paper?
Boy: Yes.

I walk over to the copier with him and there is nothing indicating that the copier is out of paper, but there is apparently a paper jam. I try to open the drawer to take a look but it is oddly stuck.

Boy: What are you doing?
Me: I want to check on the paper and see if anything is jammed.
Boy: That's not where the paper goes.
Me: Huh?
Boy: That's not where the paper goes. It goes in here (he wildly points at the exit tray).
Me: No, that's where it will come out.
Boy: No, that's where it goes in.

Though I'm totally wtf I decide to let it drop in favor of getting into a ridiculous argument with a child about the mechanical workings of a photocopying machine. Instead, I sit on the floor, pulling on the drawer flap trying to force it open but it won't budge. Because the copier will also pull paper from drawer number two, I decide to give that one a try. It slides right open...to reveal that it is filled with Pokémon cards.

Me: ???
Boy: Oh, those are mine (he reaches forward and starts collecting them).
Me: Why are they in the paper drawer?
Boy: I wanted to make copies of them.
Me: To make copies of them you put them on the GLASS (I stand up and open the copier lid to demonstrate proper copier use).
Boy: Oh.
Me: Did you fill the other paper drawer with cards?
Boy: Yes.
Me: *sigh*

About ten minutes later we have removed at least all of the Pokémon cards I could find and the copier seems clear of jams and in good working order. I walk back over to the reference desk and fill my coworker in on what I've been doing. After sharing my little story she says, "Don't turn around, but he's opening the paper drawers again."

*Public copiers are like kryptonite to a public librarian. During my two years of graduate study, we never once went over the intricacies of a xerography machine, much less one given to erratic behavior. However, it has become clear that one does in fact need the MLIS in order to do such tasks as refilling paper, removing stapled copies from the jammed autocopier, changing the toner cartridge, putting my delicate little fingers between metal objects that warn of third degree burns, and performing rudimentary repairs -- because this is what I spend at least 15% of my day doing in this master's degree required job. Whenever the copier really dies (or some asshat puts too many Canadian coins and paperclips in the money slot), I am full of glee as I place the "Out of Order" sign on that baby.

Crazy delicious

2011-03-03T11:03:00.000-08:00

One thing I admire about some of the blogs I follow is their seemingly effortless ability to combine a wide range of topics from fashion to decorating to pictures of their cat sleeping in odd places to recipes. While I'm not that great of a cook, (I'm sadly more of a follow the directions on the box type) I do like looking at pictures of food and imagining that I might someday follow that recipe of "Open Faced Apple Pie." So I thought I might share a "recipe" of my own to mix it up a bit, one that came about shortly after I moved in and had not a lot of groceries:

WAFFLE SANDWICH A LA SHUSHIEserves one (unless you make a whole bunch, but that's your biz)

Ingredients:
2 whole wheat Harris Teeter brand Eggo Waffles (they don't have to be Harris Teeter, but I find the store brand to be much cheaper and I use whole wheat because I think it sounds healthier than the regular waffles).
1 tbsp peanut butter (I like Healthy Choice's smooth peanut butter, because it tastes good and I like that it is using the word healthy again).

- Place the 2 waffles on a cookie sheet and put them in the oven at 425F for 7 minutes then manually flip the waffles over for another 7 minutes (I don't own a toaster, so I usually do this step right out of the shower, then have time to put my clothes on before it's time to take them out).
- Spread the peanut butter on the waffles, then stack the waffles one on top of the other to make a waffle sandwich. Because the waffles are hot, it will make the peanut butter a bit melty, but it's good.
- Serve immediately and store waffle sandwich in your stomach.

Do your own homework

2011-02-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

Teen girl of about 16 or 17 approaches the reference desk.
Lazy Teen Girl: I've got a report to do, I need some information on Shakespeare.
Me: Did you do a search in the card catalog yet?
LTG: No.
Me: What type of information are you looking for?
LTG: (shifts weight and looks at the ceiling) Ohhh, like what made him important. My teacher said the report is on why Shakespeare was such a big influence and why he was...important. Can you tell me where the books would be about like other authors explaining why he was important?
Me: You mean like literary criticism or a historical perspective?
LTG: Yeah that.
Me: (searches) There's one book and its description sounds like it would fit your topic, the only problem is that it's located in another library. I can put in a request for you, but with Monday's holiday it's probably not going to get here until Tuesday or Wednesday. When is your report due?
LTG: (appears to be thinking) Sometime at the end of next week.
Me: You want me to put it on hold for you?
LTG: No. Are there any books filled with essays on why Shakespeare is important at this library?

I write down some call numbers for literary criticism and explain to her that our databases are also useful for her project and send her on her way. A few minutes later she returns, this time with who I assume is her mother.

Lazy Teen Girl's Mom: My daughter has a report due on Tuesday and needs some information right now. Where are the books that have examples of old student reports on Shakespeare? Or magazine reports on him too.

One painfully drawn out reference transaction later, where neither side is really satisfied, my coworker leans her chair into me and whispers, "It's a good thing her mom will be going with her to college."

Great Gatsby, the video game

2011-02-16T06:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, so since discovering this last night I'm a little obsessed:

The Great Gatsby by Nintendo!

I really don't care if it's a hoax or not (and c'mon folks, it obviously is), but what fun and creativity! I love the lengths that someone went to in order create this 80's nostalgic literary game -- it's awesome! As someone who received (and, ok I admit it, actually asked for (yes, I was that nerdy)) Nintendo's sucky The Adventures of Tom Sawyer as a xmas gift in '89 (pictured right), which had the amazing ability to be simultaneously difficult, confusing, and boring -- I kinda wish The Great Gatsby Nintendo version had been around instead. It certainly is much more interesting with better graphics and gameplay than probably at least a quarter of Nintendo's real games, even if it only takes five minutes to beat. This goes to show that classic literature can work in video game format and I'm betting with all the hubbub surrounding it right now, Nintendo only wishes that they really had secretly invented and never released this.

"Who are Pultizer winning authors, Alex?"

2011-02-15T10:47:00.000-08:00

A mom (I'm assuming she's a mom (someone's mom), she had mom jeans and that hideous Kate Gosselin style haircut) in her mid to late 40's approached the reference desk looking for a new book to read.

Suburban Mom: Where are the best sellers? I want something on the best seller list.
Me: Anything on the current best seller list is going to be checked out but I can put you on a wait list.
SM: Yeah, reserve me something then.
Me: Who do you like to read? What types of books to you enjoy? Fiction, non-fiction, romance, thriller…?
SM: Oh, I'll take anything.
Me: Ok...
SM: As long as it's good.
Me: Ok...
SM: And it's not depressing.
Me: Alright, so you want something on the current best seller list that's good and not depressing?
SM: Yes. Oh, and it should be about women or girl stuff, you know.

Side note -- just as a librarian has not read every book in the library, we are not mind readers either. Readers' advisory can be a great way to connect a reader with a book, but the more information we have to work with makes our job easier and the possibility of getting a book you actually want to read is higher.

Me: (looks up some stuff, reads her off titles that she rejects one by one)
SM: (face suddenly lights up) You know who's supposed to be a really good author?
Me: Who?
SM: Lauren Conrad.
Me: Lauren Conrad? (surprisingly repeated without a hint of sarcasm)
SM: Yeah, you know, from "The Hills." I heard she's a pretty good writer, why don't you request me her latest book.
Me: Ok...
SM: You know who else recently wrote a book? That Nicole Richie. I hear she's pretty good too, why don't you get me her book too.
Me: Alright.
SM: And that Paris Hilton, what about her? Does she have a new book out?
Me: (searches) I don't think so, I believe her last book was Confessions of an Heiress, which came out about five years ago.
SM: Get that for me too, I can't remember if I read it or not. Isn't it great when a celebrity can actually put two words together and write something worth reading?
Me: (desperately fights urge to cough "ghost writer" or "crap"). Yeah, it's...something.
SM: But I'll never read that book by that Snooki. That girl is not so smart and she's hardly a role model. She doesn't deserve to be on the best seller's list.
Me: ???

I imagine the thrill of being on the New York Times Best Seller is deflated for any author who’s achieved the title and is on the same list as any of these reality TV stars.

A thrifty day

2011-02-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

About a year or so ago I found out about this neat shop that specializes in selling vintage/retro-y type stuff that's located about an hour away. On Friday, after talking with my coworker and his interest in acquiring an old telephone and my knowledge of a shop in an antique mall that sold refurbished phones, I decided I would make Saturday all about living vintage.

I started my trip early in the day, getting on the road before considering giving the shop located an hour away a call to see if they were indeed open as the website indicated. It was a good thing that I did call ahead because the recording that answered the phone informed me of their hours and they were not open yesterday. Feeling slightly disappointed and not wanting to derail my day's plans completely, I settled on visiting some of the antique and thrift stores in a nearby town.

The first stop was the Court of Antique Shoppes, outside of town. I have only visited this string of shops, which are located in an old motel with the all the room walls knocked down, a few times in the past -- usually because I forget it's out there. But on those few occasions I managed to come out with something awesome, like a 1950's prom dress I purchased as a junior in high school, or a metal "Pigs in Space" lunchbox my sophomore year in college. Unfortunately, I think the internet and places like ebay have made these types of shops harder to find and raised the price of items to ridiculous heights. Apparently now anything old is a collectible. There was an oil painting of a girl and her dog, but even with its sale price of $275 I chose to leave empty handed.

For my next stop I went into the downtown area. There used to be this outdoor, wooden, Swiss Family Robinson treehouse looking shopping area that was so cool when it opened in the 1980's, but now it's pretty much offices with a restaurant and a deli on the first floor. There are parking signs that line the lot that clearly say that the lot is for that shopping center only, however, in the past four years I have parked there numerous times without incident so I parked my car in the mostly empty lot and started walking toward the Black Shutter Antique Center.

This building, which once was part of a store as well as a very wealthy family's home, is a series of rooms on three different floors complete with twisty stairways and full of old stuff. This was my third trip to this center, but I'd yet to purchase anything because their prices are usually high. I saw a rhinestone poodle broach I was interested in, but not for $45. On the third floor in the last room that is devoted all to vintage clothes, I was about to give up (so many ugly 80's prom dresses priced in $60's?!?) when I found an adorable little box purse -- the type I've been searching for. At $30 it was a little more than I wanted to spend, but a teen girl who had been trailing me was obviously waiting for me to put it down, so I ended up getting it. Score!

Next I walked down the street toward another antique shop that I'd also discovered in high school. I had rarely found anything there to buy, but it was inside an old lunchtime diner and they had a shop kitty, so it was at least cool to dig around in there for awhile. I waited at the crosswalk and turned around to see another antique shop (yeah, it's like the antique district) that I'd passed many times before but never went inside since usually it had in the windows boring old furniture or things like candlesticks or those giant metal stars people hang on the outside of their barns in the country. I crossed the street and rounded the corner to be disappointed -- the little antique shop with the kitty was no more! I put my face against the window and peeked inside at the complete emptiness that remained, mourning the shop's disappearance.

Not yet ready to head home and call it quits, I skipped back across the street and decided to venture into the boring candlestick antique shop. For the most part it was boring, but in the basement I came across a paint by number desert painting that I considered buying, before wandering into a narrow hallway lined with clearance items. There was a clothing rack I quickly thumbed through, as most of it was sequined old lady gear, when I suddenly saw this dress. I pulled it out and examined it -- silk, dotted with black polka-dots and trimmed with this black ribbon. It was too cute and as I checked, and double checked the price tag, it was marked down to $9!

I wanted it, but I wasn't 100% sure it would fit me, so I looked around for a dressing area and when I couldn't locate one I went back upstairs and approached one of the ladies at the register. The first lady was opposed to letting me try it on. "Isn't there a bathroom I could slip into for a moment?" I asked.
"Nope," she answered, and then I started to imagine these old ladies holding going to the bathroom all day, or being forced to pee in tupperware containers. The other lady at the counter was nicer, "There's a storage area downstairs, you can try it on in there if you don't mind it being full of old stuff."
"I love old stuff," I proclaimed and followed her back downstairs, past the area I thought was the storage room, and into another long hallway with a door at one end and a conveyor belt covered in cobwebs running from the floor to the ceiling.

It smelled musty and the dangling naked bulb cast eerie shadows on the walls. I quickly stripped and was stepping into the dress when I lost my balance and tipped around to come face to face with a large taxidermy fox I had somehow missed upon entering. I nearly let out a little yelp, but managed to swallow it, hopping farther away. I then raced through dressing, eyeing the creepy fox the whole time. I knew I had passed a mirror going in, so I stepped out to find it, running into the nice lady on the way who said it fit me so well that I had to buy it (good selling strategy!) and after taking a look in the mirror I agreed. Plus it was only $9! Back in the storage area, I did a record clothes change before tipping my imaginary hat to the fox on my way out.
So I was pretty happy walking down the street back to the parking lot where I'd left my car, when I could see in the distance a yellow something on my car window. It was a parking violation notice! I looked around for someone official, or even someone watching me, but I was alone. There was no fine on it, so I assumed it was not a ticket, but there was a box checked off for "recommended towing" so I'm glad I got there when I did. I won't make the mistake of parking there again in the future, but those jerks glued the notice to my window so part of me wants to do it out of spite.

The 1040 instructions arrive and it's like Christmas morning

2011-02-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

Holy effballs! Today we got our delivery of twelve boxes of 1040 instructions that the public has been requesting. Everyday. At least once an hour. Even though I made two signs about their delayed delivery and had to explain to at least three patrons that 1040 A instruction booklet was not the same just because they wanted it to be.

Let the tax form shit storm begin!

When you Google you become a terrorist

2011-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

It's movie award season and lately there's been a lot of buzz about Black Swan, (an arty film about ballet and masturbating while your mom is in your bedroom) which has made Winona Ryder suddenly relevant again because she has a minor (really minor) part in it.

And what does she do with this reclaimed fame? She acts kooky. (see photo of Winona inexplicably wearing a wedding dress to Sunday's SAG awards and giving the camera some crazy eye) “I don’t use the Internet,” Ryder revealed in last month's Elle magazine. "I have my e-mail on my BlackBerry, and that’s about it. I’ve never read a blog, ever." She then followed up this tidbit about herself with the reason why on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon." It's because Winona thinks she will stumble into joining a terrorist group just like how one innocently wanders into a porn cyclone.

"The Googling was very terrifying to me," Ryder said, "Because I have this fear that I'm going to be trying to find out what movie is playing at what theater, and then I'm suddenly going to be a member Al Qaeda...We're a button away from joining Al Qaeda...You have to be careful."

This is totally true because I once accidentally joined the Symbionese Liberation Army while trying to snipe bid on some Garbage Pail Kids cards on eBay. While today's teen generation has embraced technology and the interweb with all of the wonderful and terrible things it can do, I am often interested by some Gen-Xers reaction to distance themselves from things like Facebook or Kindles -- though it is usually not out of fear. I occasionally feel like I am part of a gap generation, as those younger and older than me race to shed all personal and private information about themselves online, while somedays I feel like I could unplug and and walk away from it forever.

Maybe it's ok. After all, Prince did say "The Internet's completely over," earlier this year.

Patrons attempt to set redundant question record

2011-01-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

So yesterday we got saddled with a little bit of snow. Actually, it was about 6"-10" of snow which is considered blizzard worthy by most locals, but the problem was that for whatever reason no one was prepared for it even though all the weathermen were saying "heavy snowfall expected to start around 3pm." Our library remained open even when the staff to patron ratio doubled and the federal government announced it's early closing. Yup, that's right, my little library is considered more essential than the federal government. We were then scheduled to close at 5:30, which meant nothing to me because that's when I got off and I didn't want to use my vacation hours to go home early. That was until one of my coworkers who had left at 3pm called to say in the hour she had been on the road she had just approached a major highway that was maybe five minutes away. I left immediately.
Through the power of my Magic Phone I am able to document my surroundings while navigating through the mighty thunder snow storm.

My new place is roughly about five minutes away but it took me 45 minutes to get home yesterday. I feel very fortunate though because my mom who works maybe 25 minutes away from her home the next town over was on the road for six hours and my brother's girlfriend who lives in the same apartment building as me and works for the federal government didn't get home until after midnight. These are reasons why I was very annoyed this morning to wake up and discover I was expected to be at work...on time. However, once I got out of my neighborhood that was still not plowed, I could see that most of the roads were fairly clear for driving and I made it into work about half an hour before opening.

Last week when we experienced a dusting, we kept a tally sheet by the phone at the reference desk to mark off how many times patrons called to see if we were open. This is a ridiculous time wasting question because when a patron calls the library, one of the first things they are greeted with on the recording is a message that informs them if we are opened or closed. When we are closed we record a new greeting for that day that says, "Thank you for calling suburban library. Today is (insert date), due to (inclimate weather, a power outage, bear attack, etc.) the library is closed." The rest of the year the message says, "Thank you for calling suburban library. THE LIBRARY IS NOW OPEN." So anyone who is calling to see if we are open has just sat through the recording that told them that exact information.

"Hi, I was wondering if you were open today?"

Yes we are open. Do I sound like a robot or a recording? Do you think I live here and answer the phone when the library is closed for kicks? Doesn't the fact that another human being is picking up clue you in to the fact that the library is open?!

"I'm checking to see if you're open? And is the internet working?"

We are open and the snow has not effected the interweb so you can drive your SUV or slosh over in your boots in order to troll on Facebook or play that mafia game.

"Are you open? Do you think you will be closing anytime in the next hour or so?"

We're open and would if I could close the library at noon for no good reason other than it snowed yesterday, but I can't so I shant.

So far our tally is up to 27. We were taking bets this morning and I now wish I would have wagered higher.

We'll show you! Library takes its toys and goes home

2011-01-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

(Read this entire entry with a fake British accent as I wrote it thinking with one. Or if you are British, proceed as normal.)

In merry England when Parliament made some major budget cuts to its libraries, (including closing some of them) the Stony Stratford council found out about the possible closure in December and sent letters to 6,000 townspeople, telling them that while the threat of closure was only a threat, it was time to prove how crucial the library was to the community. Then they took their battle to Facebook!

The library in Stony Stratford successful convinced its patrons to empty their library’s shelves, checking out approximately “16,000 volumes,” to show what a void the closure would leave in the community. The maximum amount of books one person could take out was 15. And ahead of their deadline of closing time today, all the books were gone.
According to the Guardian, the last few books lent out were self-help books and practical mechanics books. But they were checked out, and now the library staff are dusting the shelves.

Self help books would probably be the last of ours to go too. An interesting idea, but oy, I would not want to be there on the day all those books come back.

A new year, a new look

2011-01-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

The end of 2010 brought the close of a tumultuous year. In my old journal, I would always try to reflect back on highlights and then summarize my favorite reads of the year. This time it was difficult as a lot of things I thought about actually took place in 2009 and 2010 felt more like a blur. Perhaps this is because I felt my world was slipping away and I experienced the end of an eight year relationship with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. In general, I am usually a very private person, but the dissolution of my life as I knew it has made it difficult to focus on the activities I enjoy, like writing, or painting, or even updating the blog. Since moving out and getting my own place at the beginning of November, I have often felt like my waking life is a bizarre dream.

So, with the start of the new year I'm hoping to turn over a new leaf and return my attention to the things in life that make me happy. Part of this includes revamping the blog and bringing together my other interests that I think compliment my job -- such as library inspired fashion and design, kitschy stuff that I collect, the vintage and pin-up lifestyle, and more books, books, books! Obviously, there will still be industry chat as well as patron rants, but I don't want to feel like I'm in a rut or closed off as to what I can and can't talk about.

I hope that these changes do not put off any of my regular followers, but I think that this step will help make this blog more personal and more me.

Readers advisory for the difficult

2010-12-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

Today a guy in a gas station attendant's uniform wanted me to help him find a book he read and really enjoyed 15 years ago from another library. He could not remember the title or author, but that the book was about "a wealthy man who has a mistress and wants to get rid of his wife. She has this huge garden and puts a lion in it. When she finds out of his plans to murder her she decides not to feed the lion for a few days and the lion eats the husband while the wife has a tea party. How long do you think it will take you to find it? Should I wait here or come back in a few minutes?"

I took his information down and told him he could go home as I would contact him when I found it, but after an hour searching a couple databases and posting the plot description to some book websites I still have nothing.

Later, I watched as a shrunken elderly man took about 10 years to approach the reference desk. He pulled out the chair and eased down, never a sign that it will be a quick transaction.

Old Man River: I’m looking for a book on Hilary Clinton.
Me: Do you know the title?
OMR: Hilary Clinton, she wrote it.
Me: I believe she's written a few, do you know which one you're interested in?
OMR: It's the one Hilary Clinton wrote.
Me: (I imagine I have one of those cartoon scribble clouds appearing above my head) Let me take a look in the catalog.
OMR: It is copyright 2003, I think.
Me: Is it Living History?
OMR: Hilary Clinton. I want the one by Hilary Clinton.
Me: Yes, this is by Hilary Clinton. If this is the title you're looking for we have a copy, but it's at another library.
OMR: Only one copy?
Me: Only one checked in, but it’s at another library.
OMR: Not here?
Me: No, not here.
OMR: Hilary Clinton?
Me: If it's Living History you want it's not here, but I can request it for you to be sent here.
OMR: What about Bill Clinton?
Me: (does a search) We have two of his titles but neither is currently checked in.
OMR: No Bill Clinton?
Me: Not right now, but I can put it on hold, would you like me to put it on hold?
OMR: No Hilary Clinton?
Me: Not checked in at his library, no.
OMR: Do you have George Bush?

It's okay to be quirky, self-obsessed and a loser, just as long as you're wearing great vintage clothing

2010-12-08T22:34:00.000-08:00

I was sent this article on Counterpunch by a friend for shiz and giggles and as I was reading it in all it's snarky glory, I found myself both laughing and furrowing my eyebrows. Have I danced dangerously close to the edge of becoming a dreaded stereotype -- HIPSTER LIBRARIAN?!

"I liked _____ way before they were popular." Hipster, please!
(images from yourscenesucks.com)

Ok, I can at least swear that I'm not as bad as the above, but still "Bettie Page bangs and winsome skirts with felted bird appliqués" -- uh, yeah, that's me. The really tragic part is that I've been used to looking different from the general population for so long that I'm kinda shocked and disappointed that I've become a stereotype. And not just irritated that I've become a stereotype, but that I actually am a degree holdin' librarian, AND all those fake hipster librarians are doing it cooler than me. Where was this population when I was growing up? Why was I labeled weird for wearing handmade skirts with Salvation Army t-shirts and when exactly did big plastic framed glasses become hot?! I guess I should feel happy that at least today's nerdy teen girl can rock specs that could rival Larry King's and be worshiped for her sick gaming skills, but I'm also a wee bit jealous that this trend is 15 years too late to repair my own miserable teen experience.

While I would never label myself as a hipster librarian (especially since I find hipsters with their too tight jeans and complicated shoes annoying), I can certainly see some of my coworkers and probably some of the public I serve giving me that description and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I don't really care what most people think of me, and as long as I'm providing good information services it doesn't matter. However, I'd not like for a potential employer to judge me by my looks and think that I may not be "serious" about my career. Likewise, I would like patrons to respect me as a librarian and not some mall girl, just because I don't want to wear my hair in a bun and don a cat hair sweater -- you know, the other librarian stereotype. Because if we don't have facial piercings and wear vintage slips as dresses then we're the equivalent of a sexually repressed Cathy strip comic.

What bothers me the most is the fake hipster librarians wanting to be librarians...simply because they look like hipster librarians? Really, I cannot think of a worse way to choose a career and the stupid thing is so many of them think we just get to read all day. The Counterpunch article has some tips on how hipsters can fake a lifetime of getting food stuck in your braces and a worthless liberal arts degree in order to avoid becoming a real librarian. My advice is that your denim mini skirt and flowing scarf tend to get in the way when you've got to clean up some barf in the children's department.

The joys of the internet

2010-12-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

After going without internet access at home for over a month in my new apartment, today the Comcast guy finally came out to hook me up. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel happy or sad.

I've seen this video clip posted a few places, but hadn't been able to watch it at work or on my magic phone. So yeah, I'm late to the snark party, but if you haven't seen it yet enjoy:

Library of the future: If you want it, it exists!

2010-11-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

A woman approaches the desk, dragging her son on a leash behind her.
Woman: I want the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving book for Mickey Mouse, where is it?
Me: ?!
Woman: That book, Charlie Brown Happy Thanksgiving, I want that but for Mickey Mouse. Actually, I want both, give me both.
Me: (does some typing in the catalog) We have the movie "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" but no book.
Woman: No, not the movie, the book.
Me: We don't own it.
Woman: What about the (one of our other branches) library?
Me: I'm checking for the whole system, we don't own it.
Woman: Well, what about the book version with Mickey Mouse?
Me: You mean, you would like a book about Thanksgiving with Mickey Mouse as one of the characters?
Woman: Yes! (this is said in a tone like, "duh!")
Me: We don't have many materials with Mickey Mouse as the main character and most of the ones that we do own are movies, and none of them are about Thanksgiving.
Woman: No, not the movie, the book.
Me: Yes, I understand, but there are no books, or at least the library does not own them.
Woman: Oh.
Me: Would you like me to put you on hold for the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving movie?
Woman: Yes (takes 10 minutes to locate her card)
Me: Ok, all copies are currently out but we will email you as soon as this movie checks in.
Woman: No, not movie, the book is what I want!
Me: But we don't have the book, just the movie. And nothing for Mickey Mouse, only Charlie Brown, but again only the movie.
Woman: Well take it off hold then, I said I don't want the movie!

15 minutes later, the woman returns. Now she wants to be on hold for the movie.

Reasons why I should never be left in charge

2010-11-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

I have never wanted to be President. In elementary school, as my classmates crafted letters to The-Big-Jellybean-Eater-Himself and drew their future selves cloaked in American flags and living in the White House, I was on a different path. I never aspired to be the man, the head honcho, the big cheese, supreme dictator, etc. Sure, I wanted a title, but one of much less importance, less responsibility. When I ran for position in student government or for club chairs I aimed my sights low. Even vice president was too lofty a position, why not treasurer? When was the last time someone looked to parent council representative to make an important decision?

For my graduate school courses I elected not to take any focusing in management because, who are we kidding, I do not belong there. It's not that I don't think I'm capable of doing the job, because I often find myself in the unenviable role of leader, it's just that I'm lazy and don't want to do it. I am the real life female equivalent to Billy Madison -- my ideal life is all about Snack Pack pudding and pummelling small children with dodgeballs while blasting the Ramones.

So you can imagine that I pee a little every time I'm told that I'm the "PIC" or "person in charge" of the building for the day. Every time I'm scheduled to work on a day or night that my branch manager and supervisor are not present, I make silent deals with any religious deity that will listen that during the time I'm in charge the building should not burn down, the internets should not stop working, nor should the homeless get antsy and start throwing books. Hell, I don't even want a kid to have a temper tantrum or see some Starbucks crazed mom bitch about paying late fees. I like living in cruise control, which is why all the things that can go wrong magically happen when I'm left to steer the library boat off course. Such as having a kid throw a rock through a window. Or having an angry and out of control adolescent beating up his tutor and screaming cuss words. Oh the countless joys of filling out legal forms hours after you stopped getting paid! They say you never forget your first incident report...

Should there every be a zombie invasion I will probably be the PIC that day too.
Aw, who am I kidding? I just wanted to show off my nifty zombie librarian Halloween costume...

Virtual Reference Question of the Week

2010-10-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned before, my library system also provides a virtual reference service that our branches take turns manning, which provides email and chat assistance. Unfortunately 95% of its users are using it incorrectly as they are either asking account questions (it says in bold that account and fee questions will not be answered in the service), or questions for services that we don't provide (such as emailing them pdf's of newspaper back editions). It looks like nobody takes time to read the virtual ref FAQ, which explains what the service is for -- ready reference questions, database assistance, readers' advisory, ebook help, etc.
That's why when we get questions in our virtual reference email I just want to smack someone:

Message Subject: Help!
Hello. I need to log into my own account at aol.

I responded, I'm not sure what you mean, could you clarify? and, of course, the email address bounced.

Gems from the children's department

2010-10-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

With some more recent staff absenses, I've found myself staffing the children's department info desk often in the last couple weeks.

A little girl approached the desk and asked if we had any books on (*deep breath*) ghosts, mysteries, but not baby mysteries, scary stories that might be true, magic, but no Harry Potter, and stories that involve vampires, but only girl vampires. She held up two books of different widths and said, "If I'm in fifth grade, how long does the book need to be?"

While I was helping one woman and her son (who was old enough to do his own report) find books for his vague American history research paper, I was irritated that the woman's other son kept jumping up and going, "Hey lady! Hey lady!"

He was maybe 5-years-old, was wearing a plaid button-down shirt, and had what looked like sticky jam and toast crumbs making a ring around his mouth. He waved his arms at me like he was trying to land an airplane, so I finally turned to him and said, "I'll be with you in just a minute," kinda giving the mom the raised eyebrow for not stepping up and telling her kid to be quiet. Then when I was finished looking up some books, the woman left with her son and I realized that jam-boy was not her other kid at all, but some random, parentless child.

He grabbed a stuffed toy dog that was sitting on the counter. The children's department staff leave lost n' found items on the desk with the theory that the original owner will see them and claim their blankie, action figure, Barbie, etc. But really what it does is make other children wild for the toy that doesn't belong to them.
"Why is this here?" Jam-boy asked, holding the stuffed dog up in the air.
"We're hoping that its owners will find it," I replied.
It looked like Jam-boy was rolling this around in his head and really thinking about it. Then he said, "Uh, I think I am going to take this."
"Don't you know you're not supposed to take other people's toys?" This came from Girl-Vampire girl, who was using the computer nearest the desk.

Defeated, Jam-boy set the stuffed dog back on the desk, but still eyeballed it. "Hey lady!" he suddenly remembered what he was there for. "Lady, can you find me books on horses, but only teeny, tiny, baby horses?" He held his hands up to show he was only interested in miniature horses no bigger than 4 inches.
"What about books on ponies?" I asked.
He thought about it, "No, just baby horses. Also books on vacuum trucks!"
"What's a vacuum truck?" I was completely baffled.
"A vacuum truck is a really, really big truck!" he informed me.

We found books on baby horses, but sadly no vacuum trucks.

Things not to donate to the library (other than National Geographic)

2010-09-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

At our branch we have an ongoing book sale so that we will take small donations from the public to try to raise money. It seems like "small" is a subjective term, where I believe it means a couple of items and may include a plastic grocery bag of books or box that can easily be carried by a normal person. To others, "small" means backing up to the library a medium sized moving truck that was rented for the purposes of donating your dead Aunt Trudy's entire collection of romance paperbacks from the past 40 years that could not be sold on eBay because they are falling apart, reek of Newports and cat pee, and because no one wanted them. And yes, they had the nerve to call ahead and ask if we took "small" donations.
Recently a man came to the library with a small shopping bag of items he wanted to donate to the library. He explained that the bag was filled old dvds that he had only watched once or twice and didn't care to own anymore now that he had Blu-ray. He asked if we were going to add them to the library collection.
Me: Possibly, sometimes we use good donated dvds to replace our scratched copies if needed. Occasionally someone will donate something we feel should be added to the library collection and in those cases we will put it in the catalog, but it doesn't happen very often.
The man just nodded, took his tax credit receipt, and left the bag on the desk.
The shopping bag contained about 20 dvds, containing boxed sets of seasons 1 & 2 of "Hogan's Heroes," a "Saturday Night Live" Best of Chris Farley dvd, and about five pornos -- including the very classy sounding The Erotic Witch Project. Yeah, those porn dvds can't be added to the collection, nor sold in the library book sale.

Other items the library would not like the public to donate:
1. Copies of the Bible or the Book of Mormon
2. Colored in coloring books or solved Sudoku puzzle books
3. Jewel's Pieces of You cd (I think everyone in the US was issued a copy)
4. Expired medication
5. Old textbooks (get over the fact that you paid $100 for it, nobody wants it)
6. 50 copies of your self-published memoir
7. Computer books from the 1980's (or even from 5 years ago)
8. A broken calculator you stepped on
9. Encyclopedia volumes or complete encyclopedia sets
10. (Say it with me!) National Geographic, National Geographic, National Geographic!

Say something!

2010-09-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

A comment left on my last post mentioning how the reader wished my updates were more regular made me think about writing, what I like to write, and what's standing in my way.
I enjoy writing and have since childhood, writing stories to accompany my vast illustrations. I also started keeping a diary in second grade, though it was extremely dull. In high school I started writing in a journal, which was more interesting, but also terribly embarrassing to read in hindsight. Back in 2007, I started posting some of those high school journal entries in a now defunct blog called "Mad Super Cool." I stopped posting because I didn't know if anyone was reading it and I felt a little spread thin because I also had a (now very neglected) livejournal account that actually had followers, and just followed my regular life.
I started "shushie" because I didn't want to bore my friends and readers of my livejournal with library stories that seemed to be in danger of taking over my life. Around this time, I also started a side blog with my brother called, "What Mom Had For Dinner," which chronicled the odd restaurant ordering habits of my mother for the entertainment purposes of my other family members.
Since starting "shushie," I've changed jobs, which has put a bit of a damper on my posting, as I had much more off the desk time at my previous library, and have started casually (very casually) modeling -- again eating up more of my free time. In June I was very excited to be offered a writing gig on "closed stacks," another library journal I followed and respected, but now had to think of more topics to write about while my time to actually sit down and write them has been dwindling. I'm also reading horrible books in my free time and writing about them in the "Very Bad Book Blog." Plus after spending nearly 8 hours a day in front of a computer screen at work, I will admit that I'm less than excited to sit in front of my own computer when I get home -- especially if half of the time I figure I'm just talking to myself and maybe two or three other people.
So what does all this rambling mean? It means that I want and hope to write more frequently and I don't want to lose any readers, but it also means that sometimes you have to be patient with me. While it may seem like I just slap some of these entries together, I do actually try to put thought into them instead of just saying anything. So stay tuned (and don't be afraid to let me know you're reading)!

What I'm reading now

2010-09-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

Since I think I probably unintentionally do too much complaining here, I thought I could lighten things up with periodic entries on what I'm currently reading. This will be different than the Very Bad Book Blog, because these will be "normal" books and I will try to impart some sort of literary knowledge so that you, the dear reader, will run out to your library to check out this book because I told you to. Or you will avoid it at all costs.

Currently, I'm reading The Year of Endless Sorrows by Adam Rapp. I picked it out because the book literally jumped off the shelf at me while I was trying to do some shifting, but also because the title seemed vaguely familiar and I remembered it came up as a possible match for me in NoveList. So, I'm about a third of the way through and enjoying it for the most part. The novel takes place in the 90's as a recent college grad, his brother, a friend, and a squatter take residence in the East Village. The chapters are linear, but almost like little micro-stories, which make it interesting, but also provide good stopping points, if your boss suddenly appears behind you and wants you to do some real work. The main character works a slave like position in a publishing company, but is writing his own sci-fi novel involving an injured knee and basketball. There have been several laugh out loud parts, probably more that are merely amusing, but my biggest problem is that Rapp seems to be addicted to using similies and metaphors, averaging one third sentence. It's a bit distracting, so we'll see how it goes.

What I won't be reading anymore is the effing librarian, one of my favorite library related blogs, as now it ceases to exist. Too many library blogs out there are stone cold serious and sound like they were written by boring weirdo catalogers (no offense to you personally, if you are a boring weirdo cataloger), or they are constant ragefests that get dull quickly and are depressing. The effing librarian was humorous, informative, nay might I dare say intellectual, and often chock full of made up shiz and crazy pictures. You know you loved it, but it's gone now.

Email Fail

2010-09-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

This morning at work, as we are clearing the bins from the mountains of items returned during yesterday's holiday and preparing for the onslaught upon opening, everyone's computer goes "beep boop" indicating a new email.
I was in the middle of printing out the daily schedule and clicked on my inbox to see an email from one of our high up county officials with a subject like "Very Important! High Priority!" So I open it and am greeted to a message that says, "It is extremely important that you not discuss details of this morning's budget meeting with your staff nor reproduce any of the information in the handouts." That last part is in bold. Then it mentions something about the next meeting, yada, yada, yada and I hear my computer go "beep boop!" again.
New email: High county official is trying to unsend previous email.
Way to send out an email about top secret information to all county employees!

A second email fail occurred right before lunch where a patron violently waved me down instead of, oh you know, getting out of his seat and walking the 10 steps to talk to me like a human being. When I ask him what he needs help with he points at the screen, "This, can you make this disappear?" What he wants to make disappear is a name in his contact list in his email.
To verify I ask him, "You want to delete this person from your contact list?"
He nods, "Yeah, that person is me! I don't want anyone to know I am sending them emails."
Of course his email address was the very anonymous "firstname.lastname" format.

Library cell phone etiquette

2010-08-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

Patrons will be glad to learn that the days of shushing loud people in the library are as long gone as checking out cassette tapes. However, the freedom to talk above a whisper also comes with the freedom to use your cell phone and we ask that you please observe proper library cell phone etiquette:

1. Don't turn your ringer off. Those signs that we have posted about switching your phone to vibrate are for entertainment purposes only, please ignore them.
2. Select the most annoying ring tone possible. I personally enjoy an old school telephone bell ring set around 100 decibels, but we also like hearing ring tones of popular music, unpopular music, and anything else that takes you a really long time to notice and answer.
3. Upon finally answering your phone shout, "Oh hey, (insert name here), I'm at the library!" This allows not only the person calling you to know your location, but also alerts everyone at the library that you know you're actually at the library and not Starbucks.
4. Forget personal space and stay mobile. You might be sitting next to a stranger who is studying for their MCAT exam, but by the time you're finished with this conversation they will probably move elsewhere giving you lots of extra table room. Also, it is good to tour around the library either browsing, making photocopies you don't want to pay for, using the ready reference bookshelf as a leaning post, going to the bathroom, or just wandering aimlessly while you talk on the phone.
5. Keep conversations long and not private. On hold with your credit card company for the next 20 minutes? Be sure to let everyone know your business! Other great topics to discuss on the phone include upcoming doctor appointments (especially ones for illness and infections), your probation officer, why you're unemployed, why you're single, what you're going to eat for lunch, and that bitch, Stacy. Never forget that what's going on in your life is important to everyone around you and think of these little announcements as live Facebook or Twitter updates for people you aren't friends with. This will also provide the librarians with something to talk about, mainly if your cell phone still has batteries and the possibility that you are only talking to yourself.

Have I forgotten anything?

Pay no attention to the woman behind the desk

2010-08-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

Due to a system upgrade, our card catalog has been down for the last few days. This means we cannot look up books, cannot place items on hold, cannot renew items for patrons, cannot check items in, and cannot tell a patron where they are on the waitlist for Eat, Pray, Love. OH YEAH, DID I MENTION THAT WE CANNOT LOOK UP BOOKS? Because if I forgot to say it in the last thirty seconds let me tell you again that no, we cannot look up books to see if they’re checked in here or at another branch, or even if our library owns that title.
Patron, who looks like a mildly intelligent man: Could you check the computer?

So this is what it comes down to: an undergraduate degree in English, a master’s degree in Library and Information Science, but apparently I’m just some unemployed volunteer that shows up here because the real librarian is the computer. I’m a hairless ape, but it’s the computer that has all the knowledge! Please ignore me and what I’m telling you, let’s check the computer!

Old woman who probably has never used a computer: Could you print me out a list of your current book club kit books?
Me: I’m sorry, but as I already said we’re experiencing a countywide outage with our card catalog and do not have the ability to check on items in the collection. If you come back tomorrow or maybe even check online at home tomorrow evening everything should be back to normal.
Old woman, gesturing to my coworker next to me who is helping another patron: I can wait and ask her. Maybe her computer is working.

When did people stop using their brains and give over to the idea that computers have all the answers to every single thing in life?

Patron with a “Guns Don’t Kill People” trucker hat: My cousin Clayton’s in the hospital?
Me: ???
Gun lovin’ Patron: My cousin, he was in a car accident yesterday, what hospital is he in?
Me: Uhhh…Was his accident local? Do you have another family member you can ask?
Gun lovin’ Patron: No, I can’t reach anyone on the phone. Can you look it up in the computer?
Me: !

Self-affirmation, it's what's wrong with America

2010-08-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

No offense, but your child is probably not going to be the next Da Vinci. They probably won't even be the next "genius" that does things like staple dryer lint to a canvas, but that's no reason not to build up their confidence now!

Last night we were short staffed (again) and I spent time covering the desk in the children's department. This is usually an ok job, the two biggest drawbacks are that every parent believes their 5-year-old is reading at an 8th grade level and wants book recommendations, and that the information desk backs up to the children's computer area. The computers in the children's department do not have access to the internet, but are preloaded with games. One game plays animal sounds as the child playing is supposed to click on the animal that makes that sound in order to move forward. I will admit that I'm a little disturbed by how many children click on the wrong animal when the sound playing is clearly a cat. What are these preschools teaching children if they think a sheep goes "meow"? Another "game" features nursery rhymes and songs with animated graphics -- almost like MTV for toddlers. So, it would be accurate to say that after an hour of background noise that consisted of nothing but "Row, row, row your boat" and "MEOW" on repeat, my brain started to feel a little mushy and I longed to return to the adult reference area. I actually caught myself nodding my head, tapping my foot, or drumming my fingers on the keyboard in time with "Row, row, row your boat" and felt as though the parents that witnessed this thought of me as some sort of idiot sitting in for the regular "normal" children's librarian.

But I digress. The game I had the most problems with was an art themed game, where children were encouraged to "color" a black and white picture using computer paint tools. I watched as one little girl nicely (though drab with the color choices) colored in a picture of an elephant having a picnic. After a few minutes, her father came to collect her and she left the computer game playing, where another girl approached the computer and sat down, her mother almost collapsing in the chair next to her. I was curious to see if this little girl would start over with a fresh drawing to make her own or if she would change the colors and improve on the work done by the previous artist. Of course neither of these things happened.

The first thing she did was select a black crayon and with violent movements of her hand on the mouse, she raked a black streak back and forth across the picture before concentrating on creating a black hole where the elephant's picnic blanket had previously been. It was at this moment that the computer decided to pipe up with its automated positive reinforcement, "Good job!" At hearing this, the little girl gasped and turned to her mother, "It said I'm doing good!" she squealed, meanwhile I thought, "Hmmm, you really think so?"

Confident in her skills, the little girl then selected the paint tool in a shade of baby poop brown and proceeded to click randomly all over the screen, filling the sky, the grass, and the elephant himself with the offensive color. As the pièce de résistance, she decided to employ the "sticker" function, where the child selects a graphic from the toolbar to enhance their creation. This little girl chose the basketball sticker (which makes a "bloop!" sound everytime it is used) and continued to cover the landscape with basketballs (bloop! bloop! bloop!) until only the elephant's poo brown head peeking out from the black hole, surrounded by basketballs could be seen. The computer decided to chime in, "You're a great artist!" here and the little girl beamed in repeating this well deserved praise to her mother.

Ok, I know the above makes me sound like a total bitch and it's not like I would want the mom to actually say to her daughter, "No, that sucks sweetie," but pumping her up with delusions of grandeur is acceptable? Why must we all be special unique snowflakes who never do anything wrong?

My parents grew up in a time where children still served utilitarian purposes, and therefore thought it was important to instill a belief in brother and myself that we were amazingly talented and special children. The end result? My brother and I have not always had the easiest times, carrying on as if our shit didn't stink, all because our parents had written "some pig" in the Charlotte's web of our lives. A public booing during my 5th grade solo was enough to end my poorly conceived musical career, while my brother spent six years at a party college, touring different majors because none of his professors could see him for the radiant ball of creativity that he was. Even today, with my Lisa Simpson type personality, I find myself suffering from praise withdrawl from my superiors and fantasize about some alternate reality where the president phones the library with an emergency request that I perform on Broadway. After a lifetime of thinking one is special, how does one cope with the truth that one is, at best, ordinary?

I ask this question, partly because I feel our society is so self obsessed, but also because every teen sensation that comes along is apparently the second comming of Christ: not only is Paris Hilton a lucky individual who will inherit wealth, but she is also an amazing author, actress, and has a star quality singing voice! I am disturbed by the child who cannot recognize that it is a cat who meows, but also by the fact that this child will most likely grow up believing they will get their own tv show and recording contract.

So I ask you, the reader, to do your part. Go out today and tell someone that their drawing is ugly, that they can't sing along to that song on the radio, that they have the bone structure of an accountant. Let's do our part to destroy what's destroying this country: positive thinking! Please take someone aside and tell them that they are not a special snowflake, unless that person is me.

If you lived here you'd be home now

2010-08-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

According to the police, a man lived in a NJ library for nearly two weeks. The homeless Charles Jones Jr. had been living in the basement for nearly two weeks and taking food from the staff break room, which, anyone who has ever worked in a library knows, is an endless supply of unwanted Hydrox cookies, stale leftover chips from birthday parties, and old Halloween candy/vacation candy like salt water taffy. The jig was up when Charles was caught peeking out of one of the library's basement windows.
Peekaboo! (Not Charles Jones Jr.)
Whenever something like this happens, people will ask, "How could this happen? How could anyone not notice?" and I am here to say, yeah, it happens. You stop noticing some things when you work a routine job. It isn't even like the homeless are sneaky either, you just get used to seeing some of the regulars there that sometimes at the end of the day one forgets to make sure that they all go out.
While I do not work at the NJ library where this took place, I did once work at a library that had an incident where one of our homeless regulars spent the night in the library (luckily, not during my shift). He had been watching Gone With the Wind at one of our viewing stations and fallen asleep, making him unable to hear our closing announcements, I suppose, and probably all the lights being turned off didn't help wake him. The next morning he was still there in the same chair, awake, but afraid to move because he was worried he'd set off an alarm or get in trouble. The whole thing was more of an embarrassment on the library's part than anything else. I think we bribed him with some Hydrox cookies not to tell anyone that we were locking people in the building...
As a child, I used to fantasize about getting locked in the library overnight, or as a teen, locked in the library with my secret crush. As an adult who now works in the library, I can honestly say I'm pretty much cured of that fantasy.

What is it that you do?

2010-08-09T20:45:00.000-07:00

No one likes to be pestered about what they do at work all day, but if it's coming from your boss it can't be a good thing.

We've been having regular staff meetings lately do deal with the downsizing of staff and some of the new job roles we've had to take on as no one new is going to be hired under our current budget. Today I met with someone from admin to go over what it is I do exactly, and while I felt good about the meeting going in, I wasn't feeling to great about it afterward.*

Big Boss: It says here that you run the Night Knitter's group on Tuesday nights?
Me: Well, I don't really run it, I mean I don't knit, I'm not like, the presenter.
Big Boss: You aren't the presenter? But it's still your program, right?
Me: It's not really an official library program, it's more like a community group. I mean, I book the room for them, I help...uh organize it.
Big Boss: You help advertise it?
Me: Uh, I put their meeting notices on the bulletin board.
Big Boss: (looks grim, writes something in file folder) Now, I read that you input all of the program descriptions into the computer - that's impressive!
Me: Yeah...actually, everyone types in their own program descriptions but I go through and "lock" each item when they're finished.
Big Boss: Oh, so you proofread what they enter?
Me: Usually, if I have time. But normally we cut and paste from previous events, like the storytimes for example, so nothing changes. It doesn't really need to be proofread.
Big Boss: So why doesn't everyone lock their own description? Why do they need you to do it for them?
Me: Uh...I guess they usually forget?
Big Boss: (writes something in file folder)
Me: Oh yeah, I also update the library Facebook page!
Big Boss: (avoids eye contact, writes something in file folder)

Yeah, it was that painful. Despite the fact that I spend several hours at my desk doing real work, after this meeting I felt that it would be perfectly justified to fire my ass because from this info session it sounds like I might just be sitting there picking my nose and playing Farmville.

*Specific details have been changed to protect certain individuals. (ahem, me)

im in ur library stealing ur _____.

2010-07-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

Stealing books from the library is not headline making news. Seriously, are we not asking for it the way we populate the shelves with sex books that you can borrow for free?! Why check it out, just steal the damn thing, afterall isn't it yours anyway, Mr. Taxpayer?
This morning while I was reading some local news headlines, one caught my attention "Md. Man Sentenced for Stealing Library's Tarantula." Huh? I clicked on the link and read further, "A Maryland man has been sentenced to 90 days in jail for stealing a spider from a public library." Ok, so it was the library's pet, which explains why a tarantula was at the library, other than it's creepy, though the article did not mention if the spider had received the boo-worthy name of "Dewey." The guy who stole it apparently got caught because he couldn't shut up about his amazing score -- way to go!
This odd bit of news made me curious if there were any similar stories nationally. Stolen books aren't news, but what other bizarre, attention getting things can be stolen from the library?
I decided to Google "stolen from the library." Here's some of what I found:
At the Ponce de Leon Boulevard Public Library in Florida, the emergency defibrillators were stolen from the cabinet at the library's entrance. I think the most interesting part of this article is that they blame the theft on the homeless without any real proof.
In Texas, a statue of a boy reading was stolen from the Allen Library. I feel at least lucky that my library does the "Paws to Read" program and lets kids read to dogs, where it looks like the poor children of North Texas are reduced to reading to statues. And now that statue is gone!
In Cincinnati the news story was a little different, the item in question was not stolen from the library, but brought to the library. Yes, at the Cincinnati Public Library, Police arrested a man accused of being naked at the library with a bag full of stolen cheese: "When officers searched his bag, they said they found a knife, a razor, two stolen DVDs and 4 pounds of stolen parmesan cheese."
I decided to stop my search there, because everyone knows anytime you read a story about someone getting naked and weird at the library you're only jinxing yourself.

It was like that when I got it

2010-07-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite patron comments, aside from the obligatory "I know I returned that book because I keep all my library items (insert on a table, in a basket, on a shelf next to the door, etc.) and never take them anywhere else," would be "It was like that when I got it."
You can tell when someone is going to pull out this excuse, they usually have a bored expression on their face that translates to "I don't care," or "I can't hear you over the shouts of my 8 uncontrollable children," or "I could stab you and hide your body in a crawlspace that no one would find until it began to stink." Visually, these people look like they may also have a guest spot on People of Walmart, and they never smile. Yeah, I'm sure it was like that when you got it.
What I would really like to say in return is, "Take some adult responsibility and pay the $9.99 for the Tom and Jerry DVD that your toddler snapped in half." Instead, I have to go through the game where I explain that each item is checked upon return and that it could not have been like that when they got it, even though we both know what really happened.
According to these people, my branch circulates DVDs and music CDs that are not only broken in two, but books with large chew and tear marks, books with covers pre-ripped off, DVD cases that have bits of moldy food in them, Hooked on Phonics kits that are completely empty, magazines with entire sections cut out, and, in two separate cases, books that were returned still completely soaking wet (dripping is an understatement) that were all miraculously like that when the person checked it out.
Now, I realize that the library isn't perfect, and that sometimes an item is returned damaged and not caught, but then wouldn't the next borrower notify the library as soon as they noticed a problem to ensure that they aren't held responsible? Or at the very least, bring it to the circulation desk and talk to someone about it, instead of just putting it in the bookdrop like nothing happened?
What prompted this post was a recent incident when a patron who claimed a book that had been marked as returned damaged by her was like that when she got it. The item in question: Liar, liar! That book's been on fire!
The book was actually ashing on my desk and the binding was so damaged that the cover was falling off. You might ask what other detective skills I used to confirm that she was the guilty party? Well, the dust jacket had been suspiciously taped on and the book was practically brand new, only previously checked out twice. She ended up paying for the book (an outrageous, bank breaking $23), but let us know she wasn't happy about it. Lucky for her, I didn't care, though I was curious to know what had happened to this book, but I suppose it will just go as an unsolved library mystery.
I only wish I'd had the staff digital camera around the day that the teen returned a book that had been put in the microwave.

Kids say...

2010-07-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

I was making pleasant library smalltalk with my coworker at the reference desk when he stopped talking and raised his eyebrows. This is code for "there is someone behind you." I turned around ready to assist another teen who is grief stricken that all copies of Dear John are currently out but was surprised by the small boy leaning on the counter and earnestly looking up at me. I was so surprised that my mouth hung open for a full 30 seconds. IT WAS EFFING GAVIN!!!!
Complete with the nasal robot voice, coke bottle glasses, ill fitting trucker's cap, the backpack, the weird trailing off of sentences, bizarro questions, and no parent or responsible guardian in sight! Never have I wanted a fancy camera phone so badly!
(If, for some strange reason you don't know who Gavin is, please educate yourself on him here).

What brought real life Gavin to the library? He wanted to know what number he was on the wait list for his Naruto books because he couldn't look at his account online, which he confessed was due to him opening an email on his grandma's computer that "(his) dad said (he) definitely should not have opened." Then he asked to make a guess on our candy jar guessing game for kids and informed me that there was a certain mathematical equation he knew of that would help him solve how many Jolly Ranchers were in the jar, but he couldn't tell me what it was because then I would use it for myself. Never have I wanted to kidnap someone so badly!

Later, a tiny little girl bounced up to the desk and asked me "Is this school?" I told her that it was not school, but the library. Then she asked to make a guess on the candy jar and guessed "5," when the actual number is somewhere closer to 170.

A day of crazy patrons

2010-06-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

AKA, just an ordinary day at the library.

My day was off to a poor start since I only managed to get 2 1/2 hours of sleep since I was in DC the night before, hanging out at Apex for the ALA dance party (tip the bartender well there, dude hooked me up with serious drinks), eating pancakes at 2am, and trying to convince my friend to drive me to this carnival we saw near her place in Alexandria. So I was not my usual chipper self at 10 am Saturday morning as we opened the doors for the madness that is SUMMER READING PROGRAM!!!

Luckily, I am in adult services and our children's staff and volunteers were able to handle most of that business, though I did have a lost child or teen wondering by my desk at least once an hour looking for a reading log. One such boy was wearing some tattered looking blue footie pajamas, followed by his mother who was running after him, looking a bit like a hunched up crab as she picked up everything he was knocking on the floor pinballing from one shelf to another. The mother stopped at my desk to ask if I had some book on parenting that she saw "on some show on tv the other day, not last week, it was written by someone, no one famous, but someone you know, and the word parenting may have been in the title" but not sure. If you're guessing that we didn't find the book, you're correct, but what was more annoying than her vague description was that her little boy kept shouting things at me (and in general) the whole time we were talking and it made the transaction difficult. As I was searching in the catalog and a few websites he did a jig on the chair and frothed from the mouth as he pointed at my keyboard proclaiming it was a spaceship, that the whole library was his house, and he and his mother arrived at the library via pterodactyl. This was interspliced with him repeatedly shouting "bang" and making gun fingers at me whenever I made eye contact with him. Oh yes, call the orphanage - I'll take ten just like him!
Later, I had to deal with a woman who seemed to be this boy's distant relative as she had no patience for me to answer a single question she asked. For an elderly woman who confessed that she didn't like computers when I tried showing her NoveList to look up recommended authors, she certainly wanted her information at lightening speed. This was our conversation as best as I can recall it:
Impatient elderly woman: Yes, find me books and authors like David Baldacci -- I like him, he's great, do you read him? He's my favorite. What was the last book he wrote? Am I on hold for anything? What about James Patterson, what has he done lately? Did I read his latest? I'll have to call my husband and ask him. Who is like Robert Parker? He died recently, didn't he? What was the last book he wrote before he died? I just picked up this book by Harlen Coban as I walked in because I like the cover, what authors is he like? This cover reminded me of another book by another author, it was green like this with a woman on the front, do you know which one I'm talking about? I started reading Mary Jane Clark recently, but I don't think I like her, so can you recommend someone like her but better? I also don't want to read anyone who writes too much sex or violence. I don't like bad language either, but I don't mind it as much. You know who else I like? Stuart Woods - did he also die? Are you able to look up and see if he's still alive?
Me: My computer is slow, I'm still trying to look up David Baldacci.

A few minutes later she asked me to look up Sidney Sheldon because he was also one of her favorite authors but she forgot why she stopped reading his books. Then she wanted to know when he died.
Me: His author record lists his death as 2007.
Impatient elderly woman: What? Oh honey, you're wrong. No, he died in like the 1980's. I think you meant to say 1987, not 2007.
Me: Well, let me check on that. (looks up his bio on our author database). Author of The Other Side of Midnight?
Impatient elderly woman: Yes! That's him, that was a great one, did you read it?
Me: No...but this is the same Sidney Sheldon and it says he died in January of 2007. He was 89, it says he died of pneumonia.
Impatient elderly woman: No, you're wrong. He died a long time ago, I remember, I was really sad. I think you're probably thinking of someone else, honey. You're confused. (and she walks away!)

My favorite part is that she clearly saw me typing all this into the computer and reading the screen, but I'm the one who's wrong, I'm confused.

*End Scene!*

Updates and obligations

2010-06-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

So my attending ALA dilemma has been solved because our director decided to get all full time employees exhibit passes for the conference and letting us have a day off to go downtown and check it out (this dilemma was already solved because I wasn't paying to go and I was scheduled to work this weekend, but let's just forget about those parts now)! The worst part is since I registered my work email is being spammed every 15 seconds by "Stop by our booth at ALA" garbage that is ruining my concentration on my minesweeper games, but I'm willing to overlook it since I am getting a day off from "real" work.
Some of the activities around ALA sound like they may actually be fun, but of course these are usually not conference sanctioned events (like spending the afternoon drunk by the pool at the Days Inn). One such event is the Brand Yourself a Librarian project going down at Jinx Proof where some librarians are going to get inked during the conference. I've had a literary tattoo in mind for awhile, but don't know if this will be the right weekend for it, plus I've been less than impressed with the work at Jinx Proof (tho to be fair, it's been awhile). If self mutilation is not your thing, how about shaking your hips with the nerd elite at Apex, aka: ALA 2010 Dance Party?
(Prince is asking you to join him!!!)

Which brings me to exciting news, as I've been asked join the folks over at another blog I follow, Closed Stacks, in writing about kickin' it library style. Closed Stacks got nominated for that same Library Blog Awards contest, but they got a gold star(!) so be sure to take a looksee over there.

Pron and defending your right to library boners

2010-06-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I had a library first: my very own library public masturbator! Yes, I know what you're thinking (besides Ewww!), how can I have worked in various library jobs over the past six years and not yet encountered someone masturbating in public? Good luck, I guess? I've had at least one incident with indecent exposure (that, thankfully I only had to report and did not witness), and countless run-ins with internet porn, but so far those pervs have only been viewing it (or pretending not to view it while really playing chess online) or printing it out and showing it to me to ask how much their copies will cost, but so far no one had been caught in the act of working the rocket launcher. Until yesterday.

Shortly before lunchtime we received a complaint that a teen at one of the internet stations was viewing porn and the two attempts my branch manager made to catch him in the act failed as his spidey-sense must have alerted him that we were trying to peep over his shoulder. This prompted a discussion between me and my branch manager about the library's policy on porn. In library school, we would be forced to have these ridiculous debates on what we would do as a librarian if our library theoretically decided to stock Playboy as a magazine in our collection and a member of the public became outraged and complained. I found these arguments useless because a)what public library would want to walk into the firing squad that would be stocking Playboy? and b)it wasn't an argument that I really agreed with most of the time.
Now I realize that the buttress to the librarians defending porn argument is the "slippery slope theory," in that once you censor pornography, everything else is up for grabs so it's an "either you're with us or against us" mentality, very black and white. Yeah, I understand that theory, but I don't necessarily agree, and it's not even from the "oh, think of the children!" point of view -- it's more like "things that are better done in the privacy of your own home" point of view. Why should some guy (who smells like a brewery) have more of a right to watch YouPorn in public than my right not to see it or hear it as I use or work in the library? I'm certainly not going to come over to his house and regulate his personal life or get all Big Brother on his ass, but really, why is porn in public places a constitutional right?

This is why I'm glad that while ALA may stand behind your right to view teh interweb pron at the library, the second you decide to unzip those rights are quickly superseded by laws requiring you to keep it in your pants at the library. My boss was on the phone helping a patron when she suddenly exclaimed "Oh no!" and my head snapped around to the direction she was running where the teen internet porn suspect was fully engaged in the most urgent self love, almost to the point where it looked like his chair might lift off the floor into orbit. He was reminded of the library code of conduct policy and asked to leave, but I feel a little better about the world knowing that ALA welcomes him with open arms to come back today, just as long as he looks and doesn't touch.

Reference question of the week

2010-06-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

Teen: Is it true Elvis died on the toilet?

I'd heard this rumor before of course, but I wasn't sure if it was actually true or not. I doubted any of our classy database biography resources would go into that type of detail so I started searching the catalog for print biographies, hoping to come across a tabloid style one that might answer this question.

Teen: The Wikipedia entry said he was found on the bathroom floor, but I always heard heard he was on the toilet.

I looked up the Wikipedia page for Elvis. I don't usually use Wikipedia for an answer unless there's nothing else I can find, and even then I remind the patron what an unreliable source it is. One thing I think Wikipedia can be useful for is references if they are properly cited. The reference attributed to Elvis's death in the entry was from the book Careless Love: The Unmaking of Elvis Presley by Peter Guralnick, which we actually happened to own. I thought it was interesting that our copy had only circulated once since it's purchase 10 years ago, but another branch's copy had circulated 43 times. I guess we don't serve a big Elvis fanbase here.
We went to the shelves and got the book, which smelled as if the one person who had checked it out had smoked directly into it. In the index, Death of Elvis, The started on page 650.
Me: According to Guralnick, the medical investigator reported that Elvis was found on the bathroom floor, slightly away from the toilet as if he had been crawling and it looked as if he had been using the toilet at the time.
Teen: Were his pants around his ankles?
Me: (reading) It doesn't say that specifically, but hold on...

I flipped a few pages back and started scanning until I found what appeared to be the first page of Elvis's death, p647.
Me: Here is says, "When there was no answer (at Elvis's bathroom door), she (Elvis's girlfriend at the time) pushed on it and discovered him lying on the floor, his gold pajama bottoms down around his ankles, his face burried in a pool of vomit on the thick shag carpet." So, yes, his pants were around his ankles, but he was probably going to the toilet beforehand. Does that answer your question?
Teen: Yeah, thanks! That was some messed up shit.
Me: You're welcome.

Libraries: helping shut-ins who should stay shut-in

2010-06-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

Like the set up for a bad joke, I was sitting at the reference desk when the phone rang. It was an elderly lady who wanted help in finding out if some old books she cleaned out of her parents house were worth anything (*cough*no*cough*). I tried directing her to some local appraisers who would be more knowledgeable about rare books, but she was more interested in coming in and speaking to me directly for some reason (Yes, if you haven't already guessed part of the outcome of this story, let me spoil it for you: she now thinks we're best friends!)
Anyway, so Ruth Gordon comes in a couple hours later and settles in for a nice long chat at the reference desk. Has she brought in any of the books she wants me to help her find the value of? No. Has she written down any of the titles, authors, publication dates, or anything relevant that could help us? No. Why, you ask? Oh, because batshit insane Ruth Gordon keeps looking over her shoulder and tells me that she thinks her enemy from the old folks home followed her here and is eavesdropping and will come into her apartment and steal her valuable books. So she scribbled down titles that she could remember on slips of scrap paper, folded them up, and passed them to me across the desk. And she talked in code. Oh hell yeah, it was one of those mornings.
Some of the books were Nancy Drews, but without the publication date of copies there's not much I could do, since I explained to her repeatedly that an original Nancy Drew from the 1930's or 40's would be different than a reprint, and still it may not be worth much since it was mass produced or may no longer be collectible. Seeing I was not impressed, Ruth Gordon decided to pull out her big gun: a KKK propaganda romance novel! As she started telling me what a fascinating read the book was I decided to pull the plug, giving her the book dealer's contact info and restating he would be a much better judge of her items worth.
As she got up from the desk, she pointed to a group of teen boys crowded around our internet stations wearing short-sleeved button up shirts and black ties and pants. "So nice to see your employees so formally dressed!" she beamed.
"Those are Mormons, not library employees," I informed her.
"Oh," she said. "Nevermind."

What's in a name?

2010-05-26T12:37:00.001-07:00

A post over on on Love the Liberry and a recent policy change in my own system has me thinking. Apparently, there was a vote I don't even remember at our recent staff day to give us new employee badges that will only have our title and not our names. The reason: these badges will save the county money by being generic and badges can be reused after an employee leaves a position. The real reason: Creepy McCreeperson is about to have a restraining order against him for stalking one of our teen pages, Old Lady Crazy-Make-Up is leaving nearly 10 messages a day on a coworker's voicemail, and Home-Schooling-Mom-of-13 thinks another coworker is her personal librarian/research assistant.
Ok, so it's not the official reason, but things have gotten a little weird around here within the last few months with patrons having boundary issues with staff. Yes, we are friendly, but that's because we are paid to do it. We are not friendly because we enjoy hearing hour long stories about your sick parrot and want to be your friend. We are having too many issues with patrons calling and wanting to speak with one person and one person only. This would be different perhaps if it were for the branch manager or a specific question, but instead it is for a specific staff member and usually something that can be answered by anyone.
What I'd like to do instead is allow everyone to create a stage name to use at work. The staff member who's obsessed with "True Blood" can be Sookie, our dirty joke telling old AV guy can be Buck Naked for all I care.
Don't get me wrong, I like helping people and it is nice to have someone seek out your help because they enjoyed the service you provided. However, it isn't so nice when a patron who has learned your name calls the library and pretends to be your dad in order to talk to you, or calls the police and says you stole her laptop, or shouts your name across the library and threatens to physically assault you for not allowing them to check out a book. Yes, all of these things have happened to me on the job and a generic ID badge probably won't eliminate all of those problems, but maybe if I can start going by my alterego I won't have to make that mad dash from the building to my car everynight, looking over my shoulder and running in a zig-zag formation to avoid snippers.

Bugs and other pests @ your library

2010-05-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

We have had an ant problem at our branch for quite some time, so it's not uncommon for a patron to report ants in the children's storytime room, or to get emails with the subject line "Ants in 200's - tell exterminator when you see him!"
A couple weeks ago I received an inner office memo from admin and when I took out the paper I saw that an ant had traveled with it. So why were we surprised when one of our pages noticed that there were actual ant hills, several of them in the staff lunch room lining the wall? Or maybe, why are we surprised period when we're leaving Phyllis's old birthday cake out all night?!

In a new email this morning, a coworker reported the addition of a baby mouse being spotted in the kitchen. I emailed her back asking how she knew it was a baby, but didn't get a response (maybe I like asking asshole questions), instead she asked if we should put traps out. This sent me into a flashback from my old job when we had a rat and my boss kept putting glue traps out, which I collected behind him and promptly threw away. The glue traps are disgusting if you've ever come across an occupied on and I've always felt they are inhumane. I also liked this rat because he, or one of his friends or relatives, had a hole right outside my window and I'd spend some mornings (after I'd played zookeeper, checked my email 17 times, and zoned out long enough) watching him dig in his hole. First he would dig with his front feet, then switch and dig with his back, then switch again. I felt like I was watching National Geographic at home, except I was sitting next to a basement level window at work. To reward my rat friend, I would often dump my remaining french fries from the McDonald's across the street into his hole. It made my boss pissed, but I didn't care, and one day I thought I saw the rat waving at me, but I had also been breathing in varnish all morning in a poorly ventilated basement library.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, I never got to eat any of Phyllis's cake.

You lower those eyebrows, missy!

2010-05-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Woman approaches the reference desk slowly as if I am a small animal that might get frightened and run. Her whole way of moving is what makes me look up, her spidery legs taking steps forward from the circulation desk, but the entire upper part of her body is stiff. There is a frozen smile on her face, her eyes are bulging to the size of golf balls and the eyebrows are raised so high they are almost to her hairline.
Possibly Crazy Woman: Hiiiiiiii, there. How are you doing?
Me: (thinks: Greaaaat. Someone who wants a favor from me) Hello. How can I help you?
PCW: The funniest thing happened: I've been waiting and waiting for this The Lovely Bones to come in, and I finally got the call it was ready and I come to pick it up and it's the book on CD version, not the DVD.
Whenever someone says "the funniest thing happened" it usually isn't funny at all, but something that reflects their stupidity.
Me: ... Would you like me to request you the DVD version?
PCW: Well, you see, I went to go do that myself, but I noticed that I'd be number 80 and it doesn't seem fair for me to have to go to the end of the wait list, just because I put a hold on the wrong one.
Me: But you see, it wouldn't be fair to put you at the front of the list to everyone who put the right format on hold.
Her expression doesn't change. I'm slightly concerned she is trying to mentally bend me to her will.
Me: I'm sorry, I can request the DVD for you, but I can't move you to the front of the wait list.
PCW: ...?

Finally, it seemed she understood that she wasn't going to get what she wanted just because she made googly eyes at me and spoke in a sugary voice. Her smile faded and her eyeballs receded back into her skull, but her eyebrows stayed raised, as if she was surprised someone told her 45-year-old-SUV-driving-white-lady-with-fake-nails-and-spray-tan ass "no" for the first time.

Resume trends for job seekers and the insane!

2010-04-26T14:37:00.001-07:00

Today I spent a large portion of my day off today ~~writing~~ revising my brother's resume for him. Why you ask? Mainly emotional blackmail from my parents. They are convinced that since I was the one who benefited (? girl nerd is a benefit?) from being in all those AP and honors classes and, more recently, a fancy pants master's degree; and that my poor brother who suffered from popularity, hangovers, years of partying school and now has a mediocre job in retail -- well it's my responsibility to help him get a better job.
This type of thankless expectancy would outrage some, but at this point in my life I'm so over/use to it (after all, I did compose his college entrance essays for him). Revising his resume to fit this particular job he's interested in wasn't too bad, but this is largely because his resume is mostly my old resume from two years ago when I sent it to him as a sample of what a resume should look like. I don't know if there's anything more amusing than reading my old job objectives with suddenly my brother's job history attached to it. Or maybe anything more sad. I suppose it's not much different than the resume/job clinics that have been foisted upon us recently at work, where I try to delicately explain to a patron why they should try specifically tailoring their resume for a job at Pizza Hut differently than the job at Cash 4 Title Loans. At least with my brother I can just say, "Because I said so, asshat!"
With the resume/job clinic thing, I've been collecting information for handouts on resume tips and trends, but all my notes are back at work, so I decided to do some research at home to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. One thing I was totally unaware of was the new trendy job description of NINJA!
According to The Wall Street Journal, "Ninja" is the hot new job title for resumes: "In 2009, the growth of "ninja" as a new job description far outpaced the growth of other trendy titles, according to LinkedIn Corp...While the numbers are still small on LinkedIn—some 800 current or former ninjas have public profiles on the site—their growth has skyrocketed past other fashionable careers such as "gurus" and "evangelists," says Monica Rogati, a scientist at LinkedIn who finds patterns in jobs data."
What exactly is a ninja? Well, it looks like it's mainly IT people using it to describe their skills, but some finance and customer service reps too. While the converted believe it's a fresh new way to phrase your mastery of an area (and the ability to disappear during a meeting?), I think it reeks of hipster fail. As if "guru" wasn't annoying enough, (the article says, "Guru is so Web 1.0." - barf!), what kind of crazy person puts "ninja" on their resume?! A resume is supposed to not only grab the reader's attention, but make them want to hire you, not pronounce you a complete idiot or consider calling local mental health facilities.

So if you must know, I did not use "ninja" as a descriptor on my brother's resume, nor will I advocate its use to my patrons who come in for the clinics. I believe its use would only appeal to other insane people or men in some state of arrested development, and would ultimately scare off more job offers than invite. However, I should also note that in 2002, while desperate for a job, I applied for a position at a nearby radio station and made it known in my cover letter that I had an unfilled prescription for oxycodone at my disposal. Just sayin'!

2010 - the librarian in vogue?

2010-04-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

I keep reading different design blogs or ads that tout "librarian chic" as the hot new trend, so I thought I'd consolidate a few and post them here. Archival Allure recently blogged Elle's librarian inspired trends for spring, some of which I like, but are too expensive for my library paycheck or sometimes too severe for my personal fashion tastes.

Earlier in the spring Kate Spade's new spring collection featured some very bookish looks that I first found mentioned on ooh la la du jour! and a quick search of Polyvore (a totally fun fashion site) found put together collections for "vintage librarian" and "library chic" looks. Most of the fashions still follow the stereotype of cardigans and black framed glasses (and too much cheap Forever 21 junk), but I am also seeing lots of whimsical prints, romantic dresses, hot chunky heels, and adorable floaty skirts.
Growing up, if someone said "librarian" I usually pictured Velma from Scooby Doo or old Mrs. Kepler, the school librarian who had frizzy permed hair and smelled like mildewy books, so it's cool that some of the younger generation is restyling the profession as fashionable: smart, with classic lines and often hints of urban sophistication -- this could be a stereotype I could get on board with.

Library kitsch

2010-04-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm reposting this from Awful Library Books, and it's probably better suited for The Very Bad Book Blog, but it's just too fun not to mention. I'm going to have to read it in order to figure out why it took two people to author this amazing piece of literature and to understand just what a "career romance" is. Does poor Jinny Williams, library assistant, hope to find love on the job? If so she is in trouble because the pickings are slim -- better stock up on cats, Jinny!
I am also liking the stiff illustration on the cover. This is the exact position I stand in at the reference desk with a book in each hand, ready to dispense knowledge.

ALA: yay or nay?

2010-04-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

ALA's annual conference is around the corner and I'm still on the fence about attending. I haven't attended any of the conferences in the past, the big difference being this time around that it's practically in my backyard so I wouldn't have to worry about travel or hotel, etc. It won't be this close again for at least several more years, so that's another reason why it might be nice to go, but on the cons side it's a little more than $200 that my work won't be reimbursing me for and I'll have to use my own personal vacation time to attend. So I'd be paying a couple hundred bucks and using my vacation...to do something work related? Hmmm...

The peanut gallery isn't making the decision any easier, as I've been told by friends and coworkers that this is both an event that "can't be missed" as well as being "as dull as watching paint dry." Quite the conundrum.

No. No, I won't.

2010-04-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Boy, about 11 or 12 with a bowl haircut approaches the ref desk.
Boy: Will you make my brochure for me?
Me: What?
Boy: Will you make my brochure for me?
Me:...What? I'm not sure what you're asking for.
Boy: (slight eyeroll detected) My geography teacher says we have to make brochures for different countries. I have Guatemala.
Me: And you want me to show you how to make a brochure on the computer?
Boy: Kind of. Do these computers have Word on them?
Me: Not these, but a program that is similar. I can still help you set up the page though so you can make a brochure. Do you have a copy of the assignment that I can see?
Boy: (long pause) No, but I don't want to use Word anyway. We are using Publisher at school and that's what I want to use.
Me: Oh, well...we don't have Publisher on the public computers for you to use.
Boy: Is it on your computer?
Me: (slight pause) Yes...
Boy: Will you make my brochure for me?

Card catalogs - making a graceful exit

2010-04-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

Photo credit: sukisuki
This was something I’d been meaning to post for awhile, but kept getting sidetracked. Although most (if not all) libraries have stopped using the old physical card catalogs, it seems that there are many out there that still have them, either in storage or out in public view, just not in use. Lately, I’ve caught a few blurbs here and there about catalogs that are finally being axed, mainly from academic libraries. One such mention was about the University of Michigan's card catalog getting the boot, but not without some nice nostalgic photos as a fond farewell, in addition to an educational pictorial. It is interesting to note that one case is being kept intact and on display for historical purposes.

Some universities are taking a creative approach. The University of South Carolina sent their analog catalog cards off in style with “It’s All in the Cards,” a year-long series of events honoring the card catalog, including a poetry and short prose contest inviting the composition to be written on the back of old catalog cards. Then there is the University of Iowa’s cARTalog project, which aimed to “find as many creative uses as possible for the salvaged card catalog cards and generate a sense of community among those who love the card catalog.”

The cards are neat, but I’m more interested in the drawer units specifically. Over the years, I’ve come across a few Craigslist and eBay ads for old card catalog units, but none have been in a price range or driving distance to my liking. A couple years ago there was one available at a reasonable price at what would’ve been a three hour drive (one way) near one of my former roommates so I figured I could pick up the card catalog and knock out a visit all at once, but it never happened. Perhaps I started thinking too much about what I would do with it once I got it home (not considering how I would get it up two floors) since I don’t own too many things that need to go in long narrow drawers. One of my favorite design blogs, Apartment Therapy, does provide some interesting suggestions though should I ever fully commit to library chic.

With an ebook, no one will notice that you’re reading Tolstoy over Tori Spelling (a lesson for pretentious readers)

2010-04-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, there was an article in the NY Times about how the social aspects of reading might change in the digital age – mainly, book covers and the ability to browse/snoop on what others around you are reading. Attractive book covers not only help attract potential buyers at bookstores and patrons at libraries, but they also facilitate book discussions among total strangers in the park or on the bus, and most importantly, bring comfort to librarians with low self-esteem who like to show up in the staff lunch room with giant hardback copies of Crime and Punishment for pleasure reading while they scowl at their coworkers with their latest Janet Evanovich paperback.

As someone who likes to ~~spy on~~ observe others, not being able to see what someone is reading is a bit of a disturbance. How else will I pass judgment on them for their inferior reading choice (ahem, Wuthering Heights)? How will I know when to clap someone on the back and shout “Huzzah!” for their decision to read John Hodgman’s The Area’s of My Expertise, aka “The Greatest Book Ever Flippin’ Written”?

This matter is actually more important for me personally because I make a lot of my reading choices based on the book’s cover (THAT’S RIGHT! I’m a librarian who judges books by their cover, how do you like them apples?!). Like a child, I am drawn to bright graphics, bold fonts, clever art concepts, and intelligent photographs. I like my literature’s packaging to basically resemble the box of a kid’s cereal that is high in sugar (more candy marshmallows, please!). I would like to say that it is overwhelmingly successful, but admittedly only works probably 50% of the time (read 40%). When a book I have selected based on its cover and perhaps interesting dust jacket blurb disappoint me as a reader I feel betrayed, maybe a little abused. I suppose someone judging my reading material by the cover art would come to the conclusion that I have the attention span of an insect and that I will read anything bound in a design reflecting pop art. They might be right…

However, since I am famously slow to upgrade to new technology (yes, I actually own a rotary phone), absent covers from ebooks most likely won’t be a problem for me…for now. I will continue to pick out books based on their covers that I can hold in my hot little hands, but I’ll probably have to come up with new ways to spy on what my coworkers are reading. And, of course, that is what the internet is for.

You and everyone's mothers collect National Geographic

2010-03-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

chat user: I have 4-5 years worth of old National Geographic.
Ask a Librarian: thinks: Yes?...And? Are you looking to donate them to the library? or are you just bragging?
chat user: yeah that.
chat user: I want to donate them to you.
Ask a Librarian: Unfortunately we do not accept magazine donations. I can provide you with a list of local places that will take your magazines.*
chat user: what about Haiti?
Ask a Librarian: ?
chat user: why aren't you collecting them to send to Haiti?

Oh, I don't know, maybe because Haiti has enough problems on its plate without worrying about your back issues of a magazine that's in English? We're also not collecting them to send to Haiti because it's a bad idea.

I get annoyed with a lot of the actual charity collections that we do because people are always donating garbage that they don't want to get rid of themselves under the guise of helping others. "Gently used" does not mean broken, stained, moldy, or ancient. We just finished a prom dress drive and I was horrified by the amount of navy blue business suits that Janet Reno wouldn't have accidently put on in the dark but somehow ended up in our donation box. You think a teenage girl today wants to wear this? To her prom? Remember how hard your eyes rolled when your cousin asked you to don that sea green monster pretending to be a bridesmaid dress? Well, throw it away then, don't keep it for 10 years and then think you're doing good by clogging up our donations box. The drive was called "Prom Dreams" not "Prom Nightmares"!

And don't even get me started on the encyclopedia donations. Chances are that since they don't publish Funk and Wagnalls anymore it isn't going to be something we want. This is a public library folks, not your personal archive.

*Side note: I actually collect some older National Geographic issues from the 1950's and 1960's, but I usually just tear out the retrotastic ads and recycle the rest.

Sex Panther - 60% of the time it works every time.

2010-03-16T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Detroit city employees are being asked not to wear perfume, cologne, aftershave, or use scented candles as a result of a settlement in a federal lawsuit. This decision comes from a 2008 lawsuit where a city employee complained that her coworker's strong perfume made it difficult for her to do her job, and was awarded $100,000. This news item made me think of my own workplace and what would happen if I went to my boss with a similar complaint. I imagine she would respond with three words: "Too effing bad."

This is because the public, in general, smells. In most cases the smell is usually tolerable (ex. you have stinky coffee breath, but you will stop talking and go away after 30 seconds), but there are some occasions when it is just pure evil. Last week as I was assisting an older gentleman with a computer tutorial I used the turtleneck part of my sweater as a filter to breathe through as I was quite sure the man had consumed poop for lunch. I had to do this for nearly an hour and felt so lightheaded with fresh air afterwards that I almost needed to go lay down under my desk.

This is a fairly regular occurrence. The teen volunteer with the murderous B.O., the quiet homeless guy who smells like pee, the lady who smokes so much I can smell her before I turn around. Oh, I'm sure I'm guilty too -- maybe I go a little overboard with that new perfume I like so much or perhaps I could use a stick of gum or two after having that tuna sub, but I certainly hope I've never gotten to the level of "soiled diaper coming through with a pinch of gasoline."

And what would happen if I were to complain about any of them in the library? Nothing, and I definitely wouldn't be on the receiving end of any court settlements. However, as county government employee I can imagine a memo coming down from admin alerting us to start going without deodorant.

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

2010-03-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

RIP Capt. Clarence Oveur

Forget his work in "Mission: Impossible" or on A&E's "Biography," I'd like to think for my generation, Peter Graves will always be a friendly old guy wanting to know if you've ever seen a grown man naked.

Not really library related, but suddenly everyone wants to put Airplane! on hold. (No requests yet for the less loved Airplane II: The Sequel)

National Reading Month

2010-03-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

March is National Reading Month, but I only realized it because ModLife, another blog I follow, happened to mention it. How sad is that?

Actually, the branch I work at seems to be celebrating everything but National Reading Month: we have displays and programs for Women's History Month and National Craft Month. There are posters and shelf displays of Irish authors for Saint Patrick's Day and books getting ready for spring. We have the bloodmobile parked out front regularly to celebrate that it's American Red Cross month.

All of this is in addition to all the other non-national-whatever-month stuff we have going on like the home selling workshop, junior science club, toddler university, teen anime club, computer lab tutorial, and family movie nights. I guess we are just assuming everyone is reading too.

Libraries in the media - both pertinent and irrelevant

2010-03-07T16:20:00.000-08:00

While channel surfing the other day I came across two different representations of libraries that I thought were interesting. The first was search engine Yahoo!'s 15 year anniversary where they conducted a U.S. survey from users asking them how the internet has changed their lives since 1995.

The results showed that several activities are down, including library visits being down by 59%, though the Yahoo! rep and interviewer seemed to feel a nostalgic loss more than anything else.

The other item was a new show on NBC, brought over from England called Who Do You Think You Are?, a reality tv show that researches the genealogy of a celebrity. I was bored and switching back and forth from other channels while waiting around for my night to begin, but the premier episode focused on Sarah Jessica Parker, following her cross country as she learned more about her family tree. As easily accessible as the internet makes everything, it was interesting to see the visits to different library's archival records for primary sources and information not yet digitized. We have a genealogy database at our library, but it doesn't get used very much from what I've seen and I've only played with it here and there without any major results, but I wonder if interest in this type of information can be renewed by the public thanks to shows like this? Maybe, though I noticed they did not make Sarah Jessica Parker wear gloves to handle her 10th great-grandmother's arrest record in Salem.

Found photos at the library

2010-03-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

Many people use photos as bookmarks that aren't discovered until long after the book has been returned to the library and cannot be reunited with its owner. More often people donate books that have photos wedged inside, further complicating the reuniting possibility, so it's safe to say I have quite a lot of found photographs -- and I didn't even collect them the first two years on the job!

I used to post them on a found photo community on live journal that unfortunately disappeared, but at the same time I can't stop collecting them. I now have an entire photo album full of other people's memories that I can't throw away, so I thought I'd start posting some of them here.

There are no stupid questions, but...

2010-02-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the questions that come in from our virtual reference service are amusing, but on days when the phone is ringing off the hook, people need help with using the computer or looking items up I just want a feature on the inbox that deletes certain questions or maybe a virtual hand to smack the senders into their senses.

Message: My history teacher brought up a person that was the only first guy that they cannot prove isn't a socerer. She said his name is Rass Putin. Do you happen to have any books referring to or about this person?

Message: It says there are 5 books lost. What are the 5 books?
Note: This user did not leave their name or library card number and the return email address bounced.

Message: Hi, I'm looking for any books that would help me with my topic for my science fair project. Also, is there any information on other studies that have been done by other scientists that would make good science fair projects? ~ Thanks! Reagan

Answer: To all of the above: Ahhhh!

The library goat

2010-02-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

Because of the snowstorm (which I will not refer to as snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, or the snotorious B.I.G.) patron activity has been picking back up, but on Tuesday when our county made the poorly advised decision to stay open, very few members of the public were willing to step outside much less risk driving in the new storm that had already begun, leaving just us library staff chickens to look at each other and stare, knowing that we were only there because we lived within walking distance or didn't have enough leave to call in.
All day long I answered the phone ("You're open? Really? No Really?! Well, I'm just calling to say I won't be coming in today, but will you hold my copy of New Moon until Saturday?") and answered the chat and backlog of email from the weekend of when we were closed ("Why is the library closed today? I spent two hours digging my car out to drive over and return my late DVDs and you aren't even open!"). While I was talking and typing away I kept hearing this noise:
Be-uhhh! Bee-ah-ahh!
I would twist in the desk chair and try to look around for what sounded exactly like a goat in the library. While few people were actually in the library, we did have some of our regulars like Homeless-Poetry-Guy or Pretending-To-Job-Search-But-Really-On-Facebook-Guy, but none of them seemed like the culprit. But after it happened a few more times I began to wonder if Pen-Stealing-Grandma had smuggled a baby goat in her purse.
Bee-ahhh! Be-ah-ah-ahhh!
The sound was coming from right behind me and I realized it was coming from one of our regulars: Lady-Who-Hacks-The-Card-Catalog-So-She-Doesn't-Have-To-Wait-To-Use-The-Internet-Even-When-There-Are-Computers-Available! The sound was hacking lady hacking up phlegm and clearing her throat constantly in a way that sounded just like a goat bleating. This went on for three more hours. Not as much fun when the mystery is solved though.

"You're pretty cocky for someone whose job is obsolete thanks to the internet."

2010-02-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

As much as I love my Parks and Recreation with its smart "dealing with the public" humor, I couldn't help but notice in this week's episode when they go to the library, the circ clerk swipes a supposed library card with a magnetic strip through one of the DVD unlocking/locking mechanisms -- which is not a card reader.

In fact, most library cards that I've encountered all use barcodes and not magnetic strips, and would need a barcode scanner (though my very first card, which I still have somewhere, was printed on cardstock and had a metal plate in it). In the closing credits, the show thanks LA County Public Library, since I assume they taped the library scene there instead of building a set, but none of the library staffers showed them how the desk equipment actually worked? Look at me being all nit-picky!

The library scene fun starts around 7:58:

Sorry we're not Office Depot

2010-01-29T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today a man who looked eerily like James Lipton came to the reference desk and basically demanded that I let him have some index cards.
When I told him that we didn't have any index cards his shoulders slumped and he let out a long sigh. "I don't even know why you call yourself a library," he muttered as he stalked off in a huff.

Facebook Forevs?

2010-01-27T20:28:00.000-08:00

I was reading this little news story today about how Facebook is "locking in" its internet dominance, which ironically mentions how many of these sites end up going the way of the digital graveyard while quoting a tech-savy college student who claims that FB is a more valuable internet commodity than Google.
Ok, I will admit that FB is smart because its creators have learned from what mistakes its predecessors made (or stole from them), and gives people the one thing they have wanted since the dawn of the internet: the ability to spy on their exs with a few keystrokes and for free! Middle-aged moms can finally find out what their high school boyfriends are up to! (Oh yeah, let's just also forget for the sake of this article the fact that Google makes beaucoup dollars and Facebook has yet to return any of its $716m investment).
The most annoying part of the article, to me, was student Ravasio's comment that, "It's your real name, it's your real friends...It's the new thing you need to keep in touch, almost a requirement of modern social life."
Hold up, real friends? I would probably only consider about a 1/3 of the people I've had to accept as friends as my real friends, and that's in my personal account. What with Great Aunt Betty, the girl bully from my 8th grade class, and my creepy polly-o-string-cheese-eatin' first boss friending me in FB, who needs real friends? Or real privacy, for that matter?
I guess part of my problem is I'm too nice in real life, or I'm still kind of scared of Heather Williams and afraid she'll show up at my work to kick my ass if I don't friend her. But if these connections as well as the never ending flood of fake flower gifts, lost farm animals, and "Which Thundercat Are You" quizzes are a requirement in modern social life then I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
Where's my time machine? Send me back to the socially repressed '50's quick!

How to get that stylish "librarian look"

2010-01-26T12:36:00.000-08:00

As I am fond of reminding others not involved in the library profession: we are not all hobbits with cat obsessions.
Thanks to Anthropologie, one can obtain the stylish librarian's wardrobe featured in their new catalog in a section called "From the Archives."

New Blog

2010-01-19T14:12:00.000-08:00

I decided to start a new blog -- a blog for bad books. Now, I know there already several out there that I already enjoy that show off terrible covers and questionable content, or others that specialize on the worst of certain genres, BUT mine will be reviews of bad books I'm actually reading, usually while preparing to weed them from the library. Basically, I was going to read all these goofy Sweet Valley High/Christopher Pike/pulp books anyway, but instead of putting my review on librarything or goodreads , I'll put them here: The Very Bad Book Blog!

No, Ask Your Librarian

2010-01-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

My library system offers a virtual reference service called "Ask a Librarian." There are numerous systems across the country that do. What I don't understand is how at least once a week we have an email or IM question from someone using the service who is not part of our service area. Or state. Or country.
This might even be acceptable if these individuals were asking actual reference questions like "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" but these weirdo long distance questions are almost all about their user accounts (overdue items, late fees) or books not at our library, or ones like this transaction from the other day:
chat user: I want to read "book x" which is the next book in the series I am reading, but my library doesn't own it. Your library owns it, will you send it to me?
Ask a Librarian:What you want is an interlibrary loan. You can set that up through your own library. They may not get the book directly from us, but they should be able to locate you a copy. Which library are you at?
chat user: I am in Spain. Will you send me the book?
Ask a Librarian: Our library system does not lend materials outside of the US. I recommend discussing this issue with your own local librarian who can help you.
chat user: I don't use my library. Can you mail this book to my house?
Ask a Librarian: *not responding because I'm attempting to knock myself unconscious with another book*

I understand that these people are just Googling "Ask a Librarian" and not taking the extra step to think that it might not be their own local librarian, but it is very tiresome to repeatedly tell people in Michigan and New Mexico that I cannot resolve their lost book problems, especially when they keep emailing back asking me to contact their library for them!

Oh yeah...that book

2009-12-30T21:19:00.000-08:00

This kid approaches the reference desk, he looks about 10 or 11.
"I'm looking for a book that my grandpa told me to get," he says.
"Do you remember what it's called or who wrote it?" I ask.
"Uh, it's by Mitch Albom," he says.
"Do you know which one by Mitch Albom?" I'm thinking it might be his latest book and that the kid is fetching it for his grandfather, but one can never be certain.
"Uh, It's called The Professor," he says.
The Professor? Hmmm, I haven't heard of that one. "Is this a new book? Is it for adults or is it for kids?" I ask. Popular authors often cash in by penning kids books and though I'd never heard of "The Professor" or a Mitch Albom book written for kids it's not impossible and I'm not the children's librarian either. When my search in the catalog comes up empty for an Albom book with that title I start looking on Amazon.
"Yeah, it's for kids, my grandpa wants me to read it," he says.
"Are you sure Albom was the author? That The Professor is the right title?" I ask.
"Yes, yes," he says, then thinks for a minute, "Or it could have been called The Magic Coat."
When The Magic Coat just as mysteriously receives no hits I send the kid back to his grandpa waiting nearby to make sure he has the right author, as I'm pretty sure Albom's not the one that this kid is looking for.
He jogs back over to the reference desk, "Oh yeah, the book is really called Tuesdays with Morrie."

(Of course, had I actually read Tuesdays with Morrie, I might've been able to figure it out since it's about Mitch Albom's relationship with a former professor (thanks Wikipedia!), but I thought it was about a young guy spending time with an old guy who was dying, talking about life and shiz, like a dude's version of Fried Green Tomatoes, but now I know and next time someone asks me for The Professor (or The Magic Coat) I'll be able to help them!)

Stop the holidays, I want to get off

2009-12-28T20:46:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday when I was rushing out to Target to grab some more wrapping paper because I'd run out, I was totally depressed to see all the Valentine's displays already dragged out and set up -- THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I know it gets earlier and earlier each year, but really?

Also, because Best Buy has always been kind in the past and allowed me to return the godawful unwanted movies that my aunt gives me for xmas (Lakehouse anyone? Or maybe I can interest someone in Shall We Dance?) for store credit so that I can get something kickass and more my speed, if they've changed their policy to "no receipt, no returny" could they please post it on a giant sign somewhere near the returns register so that I don't waste nearly an hour of my life in a line that goes nowhere? Really, I love looking like a total jerkwad to the other customers, waving a copy of Love, Actually above my head while trying to strike some type of deal with 18-year-old cashier.

A quiet day

2009-12-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

Snowy winter days not at work = cocoa and some good books!

Today I finished Catching Fire the second book in the young adult Hunger Games Series and found out I have to wait until late August for the next book! I also read the first graphic novel in the Scott Pilgrim Series and thought it was cute so I'll have to request the next one, which should only take a couple days.

Also, when I was taking a break from reading I made my own ALA style READ Poster:

Ok, ok, not a very productive day, but I promise to do laundry and dishes tomorrow.

It's just a small example

2009-12-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

Today at work we were asked to respond to a request from up high on how we can make our customer service better. I usually feel that these requests are silly because the best way to make things better is to fire all the insane or lazy employees and burn down the library branch that smells like an armpit so we can start to build a new one, yet admin always ignores my suggestions. This time they want specific examples of customer service transactions and how they could have been improved.
This made me think back to last week's episode on "Parks and Rec," which is mainly about that government department, but it serves as a good example of what working with the public is often really like. In the episode, at some sort of public meeting, one guy was upset that the government was still focusing on swine flu when he was now worried about turtle flu and a woman was outraged that she found a sandwich in the park but it didn't have mayonnaise on it.
Yes, that pretty much sums it up. And aside from discovering a way to make porn download faster, setting aside special computer stations only for Facebook, or letting the local mommy group set up permanent headquarters in our public meeting room I just don't know how we can keep all our little darlings happy 24/7.

Seeing what the public can do to a restroom can turn down the volume down on everything else

2009-12-04T14:58:00.000-08:00

Of course I haven't seen everything, but let's just say once you're the unfortunate discoverer of book that has a used condom as a bookmark or have been called to help unstop a toilet with a dildo in it, it is safe to say it changes you. It changes you in ways that library school never thought to cover during instruction.

So I'm often amused when someone tries to get a rise out of me by requesting help finding books on "taboo" subjects. Today, I was approached by two older teenage boys who kept elbowing each other while I waited with my best patient impression for them to make their request. The more mature of the two finally leaned in and, in a mock whisper, said, "We want books on...MARIJUANA!" which prompted them into a fit of nervous Beavis and Butthead like "heh-heheheh-heheh-heh" laughter.
Without batting an eyelash I asked what specifically they'd like to know about marijuana and was met with silence. I informed them that we did have books in our collection that dealt with the topic of marijuana, but that these were books on substance abuse or the argument for and against decriminalization of the drug. I also explained we had articles in our databases, but these probably related to the same topics, but also some medical purposes and perhaps pop culture references.
The two stood in front of me without saying anything so I finally asked, "Are you looking for information on growing marijuana?"
They started giggling again, but when I told them that the library didn't have any books on that topic they gave up and walked away.

Last year, when I was working at another branch, a junior college student asked if we had any books on "toad licking" because, in his words, he had heard "that stuff will totally fuck you up." I concurred that I had heard the same information and then blew his mind by telling him that there was a documentary about the psychedelic effects of toad licking available at the nearby university library. When I told him that he couldn't check out the video since he wasn't a student there, but could view it in the library, I sensed his disappointment.
"What's wrong? Would you like me to continue the search or do you think this video will provide the type of information you're looking for?" I asked.
He sat in the chair and after a minute confessed, "Oh, I just didn't expect you to really find anything. Nevermind," and then left.

The things you can learn at your local library.

Don't believe everything that you read, but dammit, listen to what I say

2009-11-22T20:14:00.000-08:00

So I guess earlier this week The New York Times The Moment blog Tweeted that Morrissey was dead and while I missed that "X is dead!" go around, all I can think is "What, really?! We're playing this again?" I know that the interwebs didn't start this type of rumor (I'm flashing back to 8th grade when our head cheerleader broke down hysterically crying in Algebra I because she heard Mark-Paul Gosselaar of Zack Morris fame had died in a motorcycle accident), but cripes, when the real newspapers go down the tubes will all actual fact checking go with them?

Yesterday I was at work when a man approached the desk looking for Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie, which I looked up in the computer and found that all four of our copies were checked out. I explained this to the man, letting him know that Albom's new book has probably renewed interest in his earlier works, but that I would be happy to put it on hold with him.
"Can you just tell me where the book is? Like what number?" he asked.
"The call number? Yeah, it would be under 921 Schwartz if it was checked in--"
The man held up his hand, as he was done listening to me. "I'll just take my chances and have a look for myself to see if any happen to be on the shelf," he said and walked away.
Ok...I mean, I'll be damned if I ever let a computer tell me what to do, but four copies checked out means four copies checked out. It's just simple math folks.

I am not Google!

2009-11-17T20:51:00.000-08:00

I like getting interesting reference questions, it's half of the reason why I chose this profession and it can be fun and interesting to learn along with a patron the answer to their question. That being said, I feel like I need to create myself a badge that says "I am not Google!" for all the people who approach me with their questions and are annoyed that I have to look the answer up and don't know it off the top of my head.
Want to become a licensed home daycare provider? You need to find out if your car was recalled? Not sure which microwave to buy? There was a documentary on some channel last night and you want to know who was the narrator?
Yes, I can help you with these questions, but it is just not instantaneous! I wonder if we are creating a super impatient breed of people for the future.

The guilty consciences of some people

2009-11-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

The negative library related news story from the other day is now followed up by this story about some anonymous person returning their high school library books after being overdue for more than 50 years. I have found that these stories turn up occasionally (similar to stories involving the post office where mail shows up after several decades or letter carriers are discovered to be hording mail), but the two things I found interesting about this story were: 1)the books were returned with a money order for $1000 -- the accompanying letter said it was to cover fines of 2 cents per day for each book, which would total about $745. The letter said the extra money was added in case the rates had changed. According to the present librarian, they no longer charge fees for overdue books, so I wonder if the guilty conscience book borrower regrets adding on all that cash.
And 2)The end of the article says "the overdue books will be returned to the shelves." I know that they are Audubon Society books, but are they still relevant? Has the library not obtained any new Audubon Society books in the last 50 years that aren't more up to date? I suppose it wouldn't have been as interesting to the public to say that they books were to be weeded and put in the community book sale.

gasp Theft in the library?! Shocking!

2009-11-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

The Post had an article about how 12 naughty patrons in Maryland are being indicted for stealing nearly $90,000 worth of books from the county libraries. The group of library users were checking out the maximum of 75 items for that county, most of them textbooks, never returning the items, then reselling the textbooks and sometimes CDs and DVDs online.
Two things shocked me about this story and neither of them had to do with theft in the library. The first thing that shocked me was that the people were actually being indicted and held responsible for their stolen book fines. Many times I have looked up a patron's account to give them their internet password to discover that they have at least $100 in fees for lost library items. Once, there was this girl who was a student and begged us to let her go over the regular interlibrary loan limit for her research paper and never returned any of the books, ruined our relationship with several lending libraries, and to this day still has an outstanding $843.99 in lost items on her card. What does my library system do when you don't return a book? We send you a letter. Are you scared yet?! I have heard of library systems that actually turn their nonpaying patrons over to collection agencies to try and recoup some of the costs, so obviously I'm pretty impressed that Maryland's state's attorney is going balls to the wall over this.
The second thing that shocked me was that these book recycling morons actually checked the items out to their own account, leaving a noticeable paper trail as to who had the missing book last instead of just stealing the stupid books in the first place since that's what they planned to do anyway. Sure, we have those electronic security gates at the entrance of our library, but we stopped putting the tattle-tape in the books eons ago. In fact, our security gates are just for show because they kept breaking and were so expensive to fix that they were left broken as a visual deterrent. You want to steal a book? No one's going to stop you. Hell, that's the reason why we can't keep any of the sex instruction books on the shelves. But then again I work for a library system that doesn't have loan limits or late fees, so maybe that's why our patrons take advantage of us.

However, we don't carry textbooks either -- I mean, come on, that's just asking for it.

Punk ass book jockeys

2009-11-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

A long time fan of Amy Poehler, I was very amused when this week's episode of Parks and Recreation centered around a turf war between the parks and rec department and the "diabolical”, “ruthless”, "worst group of people ever assembled in history" who are “extremely well-read which makes them very dangerous” -- the library!
Probably what made this even more entertaining was that my group of friends centered around the tv kept howling with laughter and checking my reaction every time librarians or the library were mentioned especially as, according to Poehler's character Leslie Knope, we're "like a biker gang, but instead of shot guns and crystal meth they use political savvy, and shushing" who "work at the worst place in the world."
You can become a fan of the show and watch all the librarian stereotype smashing fun here on Hulu:

I was a bad nerd

2009-10-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

I just finished my latest read, American Nerd: The Story of My People, which I pretty much enjoyed, but was surprised to learn from the book's definition that I was not a nerd. Imagine my astonishment to the bombshell that I was not in fact a nerd (intellectually and socially awkward in ways that strike people as machinelike or someone forced into nerd-dom by social exclusion, according to the book) but instead I was just a "socially awkward intellectual." Those jocks were really operating under a misconception about my social status in high school when they barked and threw trash at me!
The people who I considered nerds as a teen usually fit the stereotype completely: glasses, braces, acne, an unfortunate sense of personal style (or a complete lack thereof) and a strong desire to do extra science projects involving robots. I never considered myself a nerd because I had been a mediocre student and was a bit of a social butterfly at my previous school. Starting over someplace new made me shy, but I was definitely not a nerd. However, all it took was a newly acquired pair of glasses and an unsuccessful attempt at "cool" late 80's/early 90's mall hair to earn me my new moniker to the socially elite crowd: nerd!
Perhaps the worst part was that the actual nerds didn't accept me into their crowd either. While I enjoyed logging several hours on the old Nintendo, I had no interest in D&D, fantasy card games, or debating Star Trek episodes. A couple times I was invited to anime marathons at various friend's homes I found myself bored out of my mind or fighting to stay awake. I was a bad nerd.
Not fitting in anywhere, I kind of tried to keep my own course of steering clear of the extreme high school social stereotypes and just doing my own thing, like starting a slightly subversive zine, dying my hair weird colors, and joining the National Honor Society (it took being labeled a nerd to actually make me a good student). If I labeled myself anything back then, it was geek, which I felt was at least cooler than a nerd. To me a geek was someone who could just geek-out and obsess about music or books and still get laid, while a nerd was doomed to wedgies and self-love.
I thought there had been a difference, but then again maybe I was operating under a misconception too.

A cranky library day

2009-10-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today I was verbally abused by some woman who couldn't get on her precious internet because she was trying to use her old inactive library card. After explaining this several times to her, she finally heard me and agreed to fill out a new card application. Her email address was RIMJOBS100@___.com. Yeah, nice. She was at the internet computer station for the next five hours.

Later, a teen working on a science project wanted to know if we had any books on "water policy and like what happens to run off water when it gets into vegetable gardens or like water and animal waste management." Since we didn't have any books on this subject, I showed her how to use the databases to find some articles on her topic. At one point I turned around to see if she understood what I was showing her and she wasn't even paying attention, just texting away on her cell phone. When I asked her to watch what I was doing so she could continue the search on her own she said, "Couldn't you just find the articles for me and then email me them?"

The taxpayers will be pleased

2009-10-24T17:09:00.000-07:00

With public libraries across the country facing massive budget cuts which are resulting in cuts in staff, reduction in service hours and materials , and and libraries closing, it is refreshing to see that my own library system, which is also undergoing a budget shortage, is purchasing several copies of the New Kids on the Block Christmas album Merry, Merry Christmas. Yup, that’s right, the one that came out in 1989 and contains the holiday classic “Funky, Funky Xmas” and what sounds like a groin punched Jordan Knight signing falsetto on “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire).” This is not offensive to me just because the budget shortfall, but also because I have in the past suggested for purchase several books, CDs, and DVDs that I was informed would not be purchased because the library’s policy was to only buy newly published materials.
Oh well, I guess someone in purchasing might be drunk with power or sniffing the book glue again.

Don't care how, I want it now

2009-10-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the week, a patron approached the reference desk and asked about getting Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I assured the lady that the children's book was very popular at the moment but I would be happy to put her on hold for a copy.
Lady: Oh I don't want the book, I'm looking for the movie.
Me (confused): The movie?
Lady: Yes, the 3-D cartoon movie.
Me: The movie that out in the theaters right now? Oh we won't have a copy of that for awhile, at least not until it comes out on dvd.
Lady: Could you check?
Me: Well, I know we don't own-
Lady (annoyed): Just look it up, ok? How will you know if you don't even look?
Me (double checking): Yup, I'm afraid we don't own it yet, but if you check back in a couple of months-
Lady: Put me on hold for it.
Me: I'm afraid I can't put a hold on an item unless there is a record for the item. Maybe as it gets closer to the dvd release date-
Lady (giant unnecessary eye-roll): Listen, I don't want an explanation, I want you to just put me on hold for it.
Me: Ma'am, I'd be happy to put you on hold for it, but I'm trying to tell you-
Lady: Sweetie, either you can put it on hold for me or you can get your manager.

Since the branch manager was currently in a meeting and I did not want to pull her out for such ridiculousness, I decided that the only way to end her childish behavior was to get caught in playing her game. With a few nonsense keystrokes I nodded at the lady and told her that I put her on hold for the brand new movie we did not own. She walked away satisfied in the transaction, despite the fact that she never handed me her card. I know I'll probably regret it at a later date when she discovers I deceived her, but luckily crazy has a way of outing itself so I'm hoping whoever she complains to will be on my side.

D'oh!

2009-10-08T14:02:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I have a totally embarrassing confession to make: since July I've been working with my brother on our own classic literature retelling with monsters. And if that wasn't awkward enough, I've been beaten to the humiliating punch with nearly the same concept!
A little while back my brother and I started discussing how all the classics with zombies were going to be lame (as a side note, I'm trying to get through Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters right now (shudder)) and we came up with Little Werewolf Women. I read the original in late elementary school and thought I had better brush up on it, but also I thought I should really engross myself in all things werewolf so I've been researching and rewriting things for three months now. Then just yesterday evening my brother breaks the news that some equally bored but much faster person named Porter Grand has already sold the idea to Del Ray books as Little Women and Werewolves. *howls*
I can at least say that the plots were different and ours was much more interesting sounding with us making the little women themselves the werewolves, trying to cope with the Civil War era life in addition to a deep desire to eat their neighbors. I was even going to have Beth killed by a silver bullet!

Banned books and library hypocrisy

2009-10-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

I felt guilty for not making a post about celebrating "Banned Books Week" last week, but I thought that there were probably enough librarians, teachers, and others already talking about it, and I was lazy. Actually, as I was changing out our library's "read a banned book" display this morning I felt a bit silly because few of the books actually moved off of the display. I don't think this was because our patrons were offended or in favor of censorship, but rather it isn't such a big deal since I believe the majority of the books in the display have been on local high schools' reading lists for quite awhile.
I made the display because all the branches were encouraged to do so, but at the same time I'm making the display for 1984 and Catcher in the Rye, a few feet away is our graphic novel section which is largely classified as adult material, although most of the series are geared toward teenagers and are labeled as young adult in other library systems. While working in a fairly metropolitan, liberal area, I am often caught off guard when I come across titles like The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or Ready or Not? A Girl's Guide to Making Her Own Decisions About Dating, Love, and Sex, or another teen resource book about teen dating violence that are all cataloged as adult materials. One could argue that at least they are technically available at the library, but their circulation numbers are lower (and practically nonexistent for the non-fiction materials) when compared to neighboring systems that rightly classify them as YA. Since I was encouraged to make the banned books display, I wonder what my system would have done if I had instead made a display of titles that were being subjected to a form of internal censorship.
But then again I'd rather just keep my job and not get any annoying emails.

Easiest reference transaction ever?

2009-09-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a woman approaches the desk.
The woman seriously asks, "Where are the books?"
The question catches me off guard and, taking the bait, I ask her, "Which books are you looking for?"
The woman replies, "All of them."
At this point I get to do a little Vanna White-esque razzle dazzle of the hands to demonstrate that the books are all around us.

Later, this was appropriately followed up by an annoying reference transaction where a girl (who should have known better), comes to the desk and thrusts a stapled copy of her class reading list in my face. She's a freshman at the local university and she needs to read one of the books on the list but her university library is out of all the titles. I glance down and see Things Fall Apart, The Sound and the Fury, Catch-22, The Bell Jar, and so on of classic literature titles for two pages. I notice that along the side of the list she has make various check marks and crossed a couple titles out.
With my fingers ready over the keyboard, I say, "Out of all these, which titles were the ones you were most interested in reading?"
She answers, "I need whatever one has the least amount of pages. My paper is due Monday."
To this response I lead her to the OPACs where she can look up each title and its page number herself. Afterall, there is a line waiting for my services and I am not her personal secretary.

Blaming teh interweb

2009-09-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

Interestingly enough, earlier I had responded to a topic on current civility (or the lack thereof) over on @ the library , and came across a somewhat similar story on msn here just now. I tend to agree that at least all the blogging, twitting, and talking about these incidents at least demonstrates that we are trying to police ourselves on bad behavior, but I wouldn’t place the blame on the internet. True, the internet provides a "new" outlet for bad behavior, but it's not the culprit. As I responded in librarianwoes’s post, I think this is more a problem with society/cultural norms shifting than anything else. The 70’s were known as the “Me Decade” and I’m beginning to wonder if looking back the Ought’s will be seen the same way. But the free wheelin’ 70’s were followed up by the more conservative 80’s so I’m actually more worried about what type of backlash/lock down we might be seeing in the future.
So before anyone gets their panties in a wad over the internet ruining our society’s previously Victorian values, remember things could always be worse. You could be set on fire during surgery or enjoying a lovely day at the fair with an escaped insane killer.

Nodding and smiling politely

2009-09-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Special patrons find their way to the library every day of the week, but sometimes it seems like Sundays have the lock on being the day one is most likely to encounter strange happenings and interesting requests.
I was helping a lady when a short man came up and asked to borrow a pencil. I don't like other patrons interrupting while I'm conducting a reference transaction with someone else, but quick things like writing utensils or pointing to the bathrooms I don't mind (as much). I handed the gentleman the pencil and continued to help the lady who was looking for a DVD movie version of a book that doesn't actually exist (I get this question a lot, usually from students though who are looking to skip reading a book in favor of just watching the film version, but just because you may want there to be a movie of this book doesn't mean that someone has actually made the movie yet!). After the lady got huffy about our library not owning the non-existent film adaptation of the book and walked away, I turned my attention back to the man with the pencil, who was standing at the end of the desk writing something on a slip of scrap paper. At first I thought perhaps he was taking some information down about the book like the author or title so he could return for it later, but once I viewed him slipping the paper inside the book and placing it on a nearby shelf I decided to stop him. What was he doing? He wrote his name on the slip of paper and was putting it inside the book so he could find it later and remember to check it out(?!?). When I offered to put it on hold for him so that he could pick it up later he refused, but did reluctantly remove his "reminder" from the book.
Later, right before closing, a boy of about 11 or 12 approached the reference desk holding his hands up as if he were a doctor preparing to scrub up for surgery. Then I noticed his hands were dripping wet and he informed me that the boy's restroom was out of paper towels. I thanked him for letting me know so that I could put a request in with the janitor and apologized for not having anything else present like tissues or napkins. The boy just stood there staring though and finally said, "Well what am I supposed to do?" still holding his hands stiff.
I shrugged. "I don't know, maybe dry your hands on your jeans?"
The boy wrinkled his nose up, obviously not liking my uncouth response.
I apologized again, "I'm really sorry, I just don't have anything else here for you to wipe your hands on."
What happened next took me by surprise and grossed me out: the boy started licking his hands! It was like he was attempting to drink the excess water off of his hands. So very weird, especially considering that he found wiping his hands on his pants to be repulsive when compared to treating his fingers like his own personal water fountain.

Well this is a terrible idea

2009-09-05T16:25:00.000-07:00

First you tell me there's no more Reading Rainbow and now there's a library without books? What's going on?!?

Actually, I understand the library without books, but what happens when that technology becomes outdated? Will this school's library go the way of laserdisk or what are their plans for replacing and updating their electronic materials? At least print resources are compatible no matter what computer you're using.

Proof that librarians rock and roll

2009-09-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I thought about joining our local roller derby league, but then after visiting their team site and seeing the gallery photos of ugly bruises, a broken arm, a broken wrist, and one girl with a partial bridge, I said to myself hmmm, maybe this isn't for me. I just like to skate and look kickass, I don't really want to shove anybody and I'm petite enough that I'd be roadkill for some of those ladies (I come from the Marge Simpson school of "Can't we just bet that everyone will have a good time going around in circles?"). So even though I'm chicken, at least this librarian isn't afraid to throw some elbows in the rink.

But what about calling the electronic highway “Data Zoomy Land”?

2009-08-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

The other day BusinessWeek created a list of 12 outdated tech terms deemed to get you a workplace paddling if used or at least give cause to have the nearest teenager roll their eyes. I feel a little guilty that the other day when explaining what our computer tutor does to an inquiring patron, I mentioned that “learning how to surf the web” was part of the instruction session. However, I do think that specifying long distance versus local calls is still somewhat relevant since we occasionally have sneaky patrons trying to make out of state calls from our desk phone.

This post was brought to you by my 1200 baud modem.
Beep boop.

Libraries ARE punk

2009-08-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

A blog I follow, Swiss Army Librarian, had an entry discussing a LJ article and follow up post that compare libraries to punk rock. The original entry pointed out a few of these similarities and common stereotypes. Though I never really thought of it before, perhaps this is part of what drew me to working in libraries in the first place: libraries are punk!
As a little punk teen (pre-mallification of punk with the ease of Hot Topic) my core values centered around equality, freedom, knowledge – values similarily shared by most librarians. As a teen I cared deeply about changing the world and was disappointed by my generation’s lack of activism. After completing my undergraduate degree I was disappointed by how little difference my office cubicle jobs made in the world and I often felt lost and a like a phony. When I first started working in libraries in 2004, for the first time in my career I felt like I belonged and that I could give back. While it’s not always about fighting censorship or promoting banned or controversial books, I feel pretty good when I can connect someone with the information they are seeking. Getting my graduate degree made me more aware of the library’s importance in a democratic society and the outside forces that are constantly attempting to impede the access of information.
My only issue: the books mentioned in the LJ bibliography aren’t just for dudes! Chicks are rebels too!