oh hello there

Alright, yes I see the irony in making a post at the beginning of the year about not posting a few posts ago (I'm trying to see how many times I can use the word "post" in one sentence) and then not posting again. Well, all I can say about that is life decided to interfere with several moments of true library and personal swagger, but also spells of almost unwashable fail-stink in both areas too. However let's focus on the positive shall we?

I want to go back and focus this blog like I said I was going to so all I can say is that there will be some changes coming within the next week. I want to say that these will be positive changes and hope that those of you who are still around will want to stick around, but I guess we'll see...

In the meantime, I'll ask any of you who might check in on this place periodically if there's anything specifically you're interested in reading that I've touched on in the past and you would like me to specifically continue? Or even any new ideas -- that don't involve poisoning any library patrons or coworkers.

Sir, what you need is a time machine

A man in his late 40's to early 50's and smelling like he had rolled around in Bengay cream all morning sat down at the reference desk and asked for some assistance and of course, I was the lucky one to help him.

The man, who from here on shall be referred to as "Mr. Novelist," is in the process of writing a novel, that takes place during the depression based in "Hicktown," located in state but oh about four or five hours drive south. His problem -- he needs to do some research for his novel and by that he means he needs me to do some research for his novel for him.

Mr. Novelist confides in me that he has already used Google and Wikipedia to learn about Hicktown, but would like more information like what type of gum people in Hicktown would've chewed back then, or local slang, or the gun that would be issued to a Great Depression era cop in Hicktown (yes, it was a detective story!). I do a couple searches and reveal that we don't have any books focusing only on Hicktown, but in some of the state history books there are small sections dedicated to Hicktown. He waves this away, it is not what he wants. Next I bring back some books on fashion history and open it to the portions on 1930's fashion, but he is disappointed that it is only about ten pages of pictures and that the entire book is not on 1930's style clothing.

He points to an illustration of a 1930's era woman with a hat, "How do I know that women in Hicktown wore that type of hat?"

I respond that I, obviously, did not know but assumed that fashion trends of the 1930's were probably nationwide with some variation and the possibility that a small town like Hicktown might have possibly been a little behind but probably not by much.

Mr. Novelist lets out a sigh, "Doesn't the library have an old film strip or DVD I could watch about the 1930's in Hicktown? I'm a more visual person, I don't have time to read a lot, but I think if I could watch something then I could absorb it that way. It could be fiction or like a documentary, I don't care."

I internalize a mental sigh then try to explain that the way our cataloging system works, I could not simply search for movies that take place at that time and in that town unless they were cataloged that way and I'd already done several searches on Hicktown in our system with no results.

He shakes his head, "Do you know that movie, A Christmas Story? The one that takes place in the past and is all about that family and the boy who dresses like a giant bunny -- I want something like that, but for it to take place in Hicktown in the 1930's."

"You know," I say, "A Christmas Story is set during the Great Depression and could be a visual resource--"

Here Mr. Novelist interrupts me with the most expected response, "But it doesn't take place in Hicktown!" How stupid of me to suggest such a thing! Mr. Novelist is clearly suffering from the mental disorder of thinking that if you want it, it exists!

I decide to spend a few more minutes helping him before sending him on his way, but it is time wasted as my ideas like using writing website forums for assistance or trying Hicktown's own library(!) for information are dismissed.

"I'm really disappointed," Mr. Novelist says as he gets up to leave, "I expected the library to have what I was looking for, a simple movie -- that's all!"

I really like you, my new Wine-brarian

This little beauty of a dream job popped up on ALA's joblist:

Wine Librarian



Ok, so it doesn't say that it involves barrel tastings or any sort of drinking on the job, but it's in California, it pays a hell of a lot more than I currently make, and it comes with the awesome official title of Wine Librarian -- not just something the staff calls you because you're Tipsy McStagger! The position closes this Friday the 13th, just sayin'...

New Year...where have you been?

Ok, so I haven't posted anything since Halloween, but that doesn't mean I've gone the way of our microfiche reader or electronic typewriter to the big storage unit in the sky! If 2010 ended up with being a crappy year, then 2011 was the turd storm that followed. Lots of lovely things happened that involved the fun of moving to an apartment that had constant heat/AC problems, unknowingly letting a complete sociopath into my life, and an emergency room visit. I also experienced for the first time in my life the excitement of projectile vomit! All things said, it was not my finest hour...

But now we have the clean slate of 2012 to look forward to or to go for broke and screw up even more. Either way, I'm hoping to start posting again regularly (I would prefer a couple times a week, if not then weekly) and I realize I did this little mea culpa last year in January, but my eyes were clouded with the bright rays of optimism that things were perking up. This year I have no such problem, I've got my goggles strapped on and I know what I'm getting into. Or at least I *think* I know.

To start this year off with a bang this morning (what? You mean you don't have to work on this federal holiday? Lucky you!) we were greeted by a couple boxes of donations that considerately included already colored in coloring books and solved mazes.

Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Librarians

When I first started working in a library several years ago, I thought that Halloween would be a fun holiday at work with the idea that librarians would probably get dressed up in imaginative costumes. I'm not sure where this idea came from, but it was definitely wrong. My first library employee Halloween was awkward in that several staff members agreed to dress up with me and then, of course, I was the only one who showed up in costume. That year I dressed up as a 80's Cyndi Lauper style punk which my stick in the mud coworkers mistook for an eccentric prostitute and patrons most likely thought I was a bad teen completing community service hours. Needless to say, I now usually opt out of coming into work in costume, though over the years I will confess that I've mislead some newbie employees to believe that I would be dressing up with them.

But there are a few librarians who do get into the holiday spirit and decide to put aside their nebbish and lackluster attire for one day, and these people have inspired me to list The Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Librarians:

10. Naughty Librarian -- I'll get this one out of the way first. While I have been known to dress as a wayward librarian myself, I feel able to criticize this costume because I tend to dress in a 50's/pin-up fashion normally. Also, I find the "naughty librarian" store made costumes offensive:
That is an ugly ass skirt if I ever saw one and though we may not always be a fashionable bunch, I would like to think that none of us would wear a mini-skirt with bookends printed on it. The other costume is irritating because it is labeled "sexy librarian/secretary" -- we are not the same profession!

9. Non-Harry Potter Wizard –- This person will don some type of hat and often carry a magic wand, either store quality or something created at home out of aluminum foil. Sometimes they will wear a witch’s hat for the same purpose. Once a former coworker wore a blue bathrobe with construction paper planets taped to it.

8. Harry Potter Wizard/Character -- A true fan of the Harry Potter genre and will either create an outfit for a character from the book or dress up as a Hogwarts student wearing the house colors of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin, usually accompanied by a long colored scarf. These people will normally go as Gryffindor or Slytherin because they are the most well known and because no one really cares about the other houses. Should you encounter a coworker in Hufflepuff attire you should administer a series of shame induced Indian burns.

7. Renaissance Person -– This includes wenches, royalty, pirates, occasionally Vikings, and sometimes other weird things (see photo), but outside of a renfest, the work costume is usually tame and an excuse for a staff member to get away with wearing a corset tightened to show the most decolletage, or a tiara, or carrying a sword.

6. Star Wars Character -- These costumes are either finely detailed replicas from the films or someone with brown earmuffs for hair and a light saber. Star Wars character is a popular choice for gen x male staffers.

5. Comic Book and/or Video Game Character -- Staff members who adorn themselves in this type of costume will win the nonexistent prize for the most responses of "Who are you again?" Like the Star Wars costume, comic book and video game character costumes involve attention to obscure details that only the wearer or role playing folks will recognize. Or because no one will know who they are the costumed person can phone it in and claim to be anyone granting them the ability to mock coworkers who clearly do not understand their brilliance.

4. Costume Requiring the Least Effort -- These staff members are not only phoning it in, but are not even interested in disguising this fact. "Costumes" of this variety consist of things such as cat/some other animal ears, hockey masks, or an outfit from the back of their closet that they have not worn in 20 years and thus, qualifies as a "costume." Included in this group are also t-shirts that have scary movie characters or skulls or anything that involves LED lights or moving parts. This is frequently the costume of choice for unimaginative library directors/branch managers.

3. Vampire -- This category has waxed and waned over the years both due to the popularity of the Twilight series. Since most library employees are not as attractive as young Hollywood vampires, this costume is more likely to resemble Bela Lugosi's Dracula. Cloaks and fake teeth are often worn, but the glaring paleness of most staff member's skin makes white face make-up unnecessary.

2. Zombie -- Taking the spot of Vampires, Zombies have now become the hot costume, especially since it involves the joy of shredding clothing you don't like and rubbing fake blood in it. The level of commitment is up to the wearer with some going all out with props, limping, and groaning, and others just in torn up clothes. Zombie Librarian was my costume choice last year.

1. Crazy Cat Lady -- Not to be confused with someone wearing cat ears, this costume is often worn by coworkers with lots of stuffed cats glued to an old sweater, or by coworkers who have never married and still wear pantyhose with sandals. Ok, yes, I realize that I am perpetuating another librarian stereotype, but people it wouldn't exist if it wasn't at least sometimes accurate. The genius of this costume is that for many it requires no effort at all!

Happy Halloween!

There's a New Sheriff in Town

So, I have a new manager at work.

When we found out that we were getting a new manager, it was much like last year when we found out we were getting a new manager: cleaner desks and workstations, more professional attire and less sweaters that looked like they came from the lost n' found bin, (sometimes forced) enthusiasm for job and teamwork (sometimes with high fives), and overall non-work related internet use drops with productivity going up 30%! We were a little like those small, nervous, and easily excited monkeys at the zoo, but at least we were positive.

But it was also a lot different from last year when we found out we were getting a new manager: we liked our (now old) current manager, lots of hissy whispering, and their future office was raided and cannibalized of everything from matching desk chairs to a non-sticky keyboard to ancient starlight mints found in the drawers. It looked a tad bit ugly...and then he arrived.

He seemed friendly enough. He seemed capable, had a long history of library work and management to confidently rely on. He brought cookies to our first reference staff meeting. And then slowly things changed, or rather these things had probably been present all along and I just hadn't been paying attention. Disguised as a normal person he was in fact a horrible boss.



List of offensives:
1. Shirks responsibility. When the phone rings he never reaches for it, he always takes the desk seat farther away from the public, he defers to someone else constantly because he is "too new," to find a book on the shelf, help someone with the copier, print out directions from Google maps, etc.
2. Eaves drops/reads over your shoulder. This is actually my biggest problem with him but since I am guilty of doing non-work related stuff part of the time (hello) I moved it down a notch. If I'm helping a patron over the phone, when I hang up, he's all "What did they want?" You want to know what they wanted? Well answer the damn phone next time. Because he wears sneakers he can sidle up to you quickly or suddenly appear over your shoulder. He must have great eyesight too because before I have time to minimize my want list on Amazon he scares the bejeezus out of me with, "Hey, I bought that same coffee maker!" He hovers and I don't like it.
3. Too personal/no boundaries. If you're in his line of sight and he feels like chatting up a storm he will engage in awkward conversations about his wife, his cat, where he buys his pants, what he was doing in 1969. Similarly, he wants us to reciprocate by oversharing with him. When I asked to use sick leave for my annual check up, he responded, "Could you be more specific?" Uh, no.
4. He can't take directions. I don't know if it's just me, but frequently I will tell him something and it will go in one ear and out the other. For example, yesterday our IT guy came by to work on a computer and told us not to use it while he was updating some software. My new manager comes out of his office and sits down at that computer station. I repeat IT guy's request, but instead he starts typing away, then announces to no one in particular, "Hmm, I can't login." I repeat IT guy's message a second time, but then he gets up and goes into his office. A few minutes later he comes back and says, "I called (IT guy) and he said not to use that computer right now, so nobody use it!"
5. He doesn't know how to do his job...and on top of that he's not even trying. As someone who gets paid I'm sure considerably more than I do, it is frustrating to see he can't do what I consider simple job required tasks. Combine that with his "What is it you do again?" attitude and I feel like replying, "Part of what I do involves fixing or redoing things you do." But alas, I kinda need to retain employment so that I may continue my meager existence.

I bet you didn't think I could cook, huh? Well, you're right...

Friday night, while other shoppers were raking toilet paper, gallons of milk, water, and oddly enough microwave popcorn into their shopping carts, I was wandering around with a very specific grocery list. Instead of Hurricane Irene freakout supplies I was loading up on strange cheeses I had never heard of and the makings of cornmeal pizza dough. Since most of my meals come from a box or can (or bottle, *gratuitous wink*), recently I've renewed my interest in cooking and I thought while I was home bound during the storm, I would recreate a recipe I found in a discarded cookbook earlier at work.

Now I can bake, or at least I used to do ok with baking. My track record over the last year has been spotty: made incredible batch of mini cupcakes for me and my family, try to make same cupcakes again for work event and accidentally put in 1/2 cup of baking soda instead of 1/2 teaspoon; great peanut butter cookies at home on a cold winter night, try to make same cookies to bring for Christmas and I accidentally put in 3 eggs and 1 cup of milk instead of 1 egg and 3 cups of milk. For every good thing I made, some cosmic intervention would make sure I followed it with something inedible. Self-diagnosed with recipe dyslexia, understandably, this put me off of cooking for awhile.

Because Irene made me cancel my original Saturday plans (thanks a lot, weather people, our area maybe needed a good umbrella, not sandbags) last night I decided to go forward with my plan to make the mini Fontina Cheese Pizzas, of course I had to ask the person at the deli counter what fontina cheese was and where I could find it. Here are the results, obviously the left is a fancy show off photograph from the cookbook.
Their mini pizzas look tasty and appetizing. My pizzas look like something you would ask the waiter to send back to the kitchen.

The problem? Not 100% certain, but most likely the fact that the recipe called for 3 egg yokes and I put in 3 whole eggs had something to do with it. Rather than tasting like a pizza, they tasted like cheesy scrambled eggs on top of dough, kinda like a quiche but without the pastry crust. The dough didn't come out right either, my oven runs a bit hot so the bottoms were burned while the top outer crust was barely bronzed and it tasted like a saltine to me for some reason. So my hurricane shut-in dinner was crackers with scrabbled eggs on top!

After last night's kitchen disaster, I was pleasantly surprised by my success at a different recipe this morning. Not in the same ballpark as baking, but it was so quick and easy and delicious -- my favorite combination. Link-hoping, I randomly came across a recipe on A Tale of Two Kitchens for Peach Almond Smoothie and since I coincidentally already had all of those ingredients at home, I gave it a try. Maybe since I'm trying to kick my coffee habit, I can start the day off with a smoothie instead. Of course, I'm not going to stop my 3pm candy fix.